Posted by Carey
on January 03, 2000 at 12:39:28:
In Reply to: Re: My Story . Adult ADD posted by Ron on January 01, 2000 at 10:47:58:
: I'm a 41 year old female from the central PA area and this thread caught my eye. My story is long so I can't get into all of it here, but I was diagnosed 4 years ago with ADHD. I went through 3 years of treatment and many drug combos. A year ago, I decided that I had to get off all of the meds(I also couldn't afford it anymore). At first I felt as if I had awakened from a dream. I felt better off meds. But gradually all of my symptoms returned. Strangely enough, one thing that didn't come back was my energy. Now, instead of being able to get tons of stuff done in one day, I can barely get the energy to do anything. My doc was so expensive and I felt that at the time we had run the gamut of medication combinations without finding the right one for me. I desparately need to get help, but without the funds, I'm sunk. I'm so afraid of losing my job...and as it is, I can only work part time because of my lack of energy. *sigh* I'd like to hear any input that you might have. Thanks
: : All I ever wanted to be in life was a teacher. Last March I turned 40 I'm married with 4 kids and (one on the way) that are the pride of my life. My wife is Catholic and I'm Baptist which makes it tough enough. My real problem is have severe ADD. Growing up I was often told I was lazy. The truth was I couldn't concentrate on anything for any length of time. I have this tunnel vision in my left eye. It's kind of a foggyness that greatly effected my eye contact with people. My father liked to move about every year growing up . At first I wasnt't bad at making friends. Gradually I told myself "the hell with it I'm going to move soon anyway so whats the use" so I stoped trying.
: : I always seemed inmature throughout High School. My hobbies were piano and coaching youth sports . I got married in College, actully married my tutor. To make a long story short ADD, has cost me some much of my life. I have probally lost 8 jobs in 10 1\2 yrs of marriage including 3 teaching jobs. Each time I was'nt sure what happened. Looking back I don't know that my employers really knew either. I would hear the same thing " you work hard and your here everyday but you just dont seem to grasp the big picture so we are going to move in another diriction"
: : As I said my first love was and always will be teaching. The problem there has been my lack of consistancy with my concentration and awareness in the classroom. I also have had problems reading the situation I would missinterpreted what my bosses wanted me to do. After I lost my first teaching job I trained myself to go back. Two years later I got a second chance but I again did not get my contract renewed. This was extremily devastating to me and my family I lost my core belief in myself. This has ruined my marriage because my wife has lost so much faith in me. I thought many times about suicide as I gradually shut out my family and friends.They say that people with ADD developes an addiction like drugs or drinking, well mine was pornogrpghy it was my escape. I would stay up hours on the internet looking at anything to take my mind off my problems. I would see videos and so on.I am 40 yrs old brown hair and eyes 6'6 and and in great shape but I was looking for something. I lost my faith in God, I often would go somewhere by myself and curse him. I had gone to 2 Doctors in the past but they could't help me. I finally want to another Doctor who was briliant with ADD. At first she put me on Wellbutrin which at first worked great but shortly afterwards I began having chestpains like I was having a heart attack and had to discontinue the medication. My Doctor next put me on Effexor and Ritlin and I have seen a world of difference. My concentration has been unbelievable the tunnel vision I had in my left eye is gone. I have alot more energy now than and I get so much done. I am now teaching and coaching again and enjoying it so much more. My faith in God has been restored because I now blame it on ADD not God. I still have a poor since of awareness and that bothers me. The problem now is I'm wanting to get my doctor to see my 10 yr old son who I just know has ADD but my wife fights me on the issue. She constantly badmouths my Doctor and makes me feel like a retard. This really frustrates me because I know that I will be a great teacher someday but I'm worried that I will not get my teaching contract renewed and that would be my breaking point. At this time I am not taking any medicine except natural products because of changing insurance companies. My school District will start in Jan. so I will once again see my Doctor. I would descibe my ADD as constantly slapping a tv to get a clear reception. I try to overcome my deadness in my brain with lots of energy and enthusiasm. My wife and I are not close she does'nt respect me and I dont like the way she allows the kids to run her over. I would like to meet people with this same problem so please reply and sorry this letter has been so long. Please Reply Thanks MWARD
: Hey, don't know how secure this line is for you, feel free to drop me a line on my E-mail. As a former teacher (managed to hang in there fore 22 years, I have a lot of empathy for you. If you are like me, the ADD gets in the way of a lot of things, most recently for me, my marriage.
: Distractibility comes in many forms, and although I am still married, I have been distracted by so many things and persons that I have not been able to fully address the needs of my wife, nor to express my own needs to her in a clear way.
: It took an (almost) affair with a friend to make me realize that even RITALIN is no magic cure for ADD. So happens that the friend has ADHD, and was distracted by an overdeveloped fantasy life, a real problem for me.
: Now I am dealing with the depression that usually results from acting impulsively, and the constant need to apoligize to others for my misdeeds.
: I have no magic answers, just know I am in marital therapy now, with my wife of 30 years, and this is helping to address issues with our rel;ationship. Feel free to drop me an E-mai.
: Happy new year!