Posted by Holland, K. J.
on January 26, 2000 at 13:22:05:
If any way possible, could you all let me know when you will have a show on ADHD? I am 42 years old, and for 38 years, I wondered why I was so different from most everyone else. God blessed me with a good mind, but it seened that I couldn't get it going in the right direction. (Still can't a lot of the time!!)
In 1990, I had a son. When he was 5, his kidergarten teacher pointed out to me the possibility of him having ADHD. I had him tested by two different neurologists, at two locations approximately 120 miles apart, in order to make sure of a diagnosis. He was experiencing all but 2 of the listed symptoms/actions of a child with ADHD. He is a very intelligent child.
While attending a parent support meeting one night, we were given forms listing ways that our child responded/perceived things and the way we did, ourselves. The object was to show the differences.
Mine showed very little variation from his. I approached his counselor, who in turn, set me up to be tested with a nuerologist.
I was diagnosed with the same condition. I broke down. For 38 years, I had gone through life jumping from one job to another, one hobby to another, never finishing what I started, daydreaming 23 out of 24 hours everyday, staying in trouble when I was younger, never having a good explanation as to why I did 90% of what I did, wondering why I was actually on this earth, sleeping only 3-4 hours most nights, MAJOR procrastination, being told we "don't care" when in our minds we have tried SO HARD to do the right thing. The hurt is unbearable. But,FINALLY, THERE WAS A REASON. He, the doctor, described me as "perfectionist, yet totally disorganized". This is not saying that I do not take responsibility for my wrong actions. I do, wholeheartedly. But, this "disease" is so FRUSTRATING. Dealing with a 9-year-old boy with ADHD is trying enough. But, when you have to deal with YOURSELF, on top of that, it is almost too much most days. This condition does not allow you to like yourself. Much less, be proud of yourself about anything. I returned to school full-time in 1994, majoring in Animal Science. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. FOCUS is the name of the game. But, I kept my grades up (3.73) and graduated from a junior college. But, it seemed like just another day when I graduated. Not for any particular reason, in all honestly I didn't even think of it, but I invited no one, parents included, to the ceremony. It's that "worthlessness" thing, again. ADHD won't let you think worthy of yourself, no matter what you accomplish.
I have gone to counselors, with him, for him, without him, for me -- nothing seems to have helped. They tell me, "You are doing the right things.". WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THE BIGGEST FAILURE AS A MOTHER???...and as a person. Why can't I get things, SIMPLE things, to go the way that I need, not just want, them to go. If I'm doing the "right things", why is my life HELL! This frustration, self-hate, and worthlessness will not let go, and it is carrying over to my child. The anger. My child is my life, but there is no quality of life, when the parent (single) can't perform as a parent should. Therefore, the child is not brought up in the atmosphere that he deserves.
He is aware of his diagnosis. I explained it all to him when it came out, so he would not feel "singled out". He also understands that it is something that a lot of children deal with, so he shouldn't feel alone. But, most importantly, it is something that he has no control over. His grandfather, my dad, has Alzheimer's, so I use his Papaw's condition in reference to "beyond his control" as an example for him. Most of the time when I speak of ADHD, I use myself as an example, not him.
I try to explain all that I can to him about most anything. Kids have so much to face, and if he has questions, I would like to be the one to tell him. Not someone else. I don't let him use ADHD as an EXCUSE; eventhough, I know it is the reason behind a lot of things he does.
If you do a show on this, PLEASE, PLEASE, if any way possible, let me know through my email. I don't get to see your show a lot of the time. Wish I could EVERY day, but I can't. Try to include some insight into the ADULT's ADHD mind, not only the children's. I'm sure I'm not the only one out here literally emotionally dying to know.
In a nutshell, ADHD is like being on one side of a thick piece of glass and everything you want to accomplish is on the other, and you can see it. But, you have no clue that the glass is even there. You just know you can't reach what you see because your mind want let you into the next depth of "thinking through" how to get it. Nothing is 3-D; it is all one dimensional.
Montel is the epitomy of understanding and empathy. The world needs MANY more people like him. It would certainly be a different and much better place. Please help those of us out here ,if nothing else, while our children are growing up, to give them what THEY need and deserve. In our minds, it's almost impossible.