Posted by Roffy
on March 19, 2000 at 11:00:32:
In Reply to: Re: Wife of ADD Husband posted by jackie lucas on March 05, 2000 at 16:25:02:
In this case I'm the dificult spouse who just found out that it's very likely I have more serious ADD than previously thought (I'm sure of it, but it's not official quite yet).
For most of my adult life (I'm 33 now) I've been married and struggling to not drive my wife bonkers or go too nutty myself. The stories above are very much what we go through.
Although each situation is different and it's questionable how much good comes from generalizing, it seems that a few things have helped us a great deal.
After education, counciling, and a great deal of work on behavior modification it's time to get pretty tough with the situation. Both parties need to have an agreement as to how they will live their lives and what is unappropriate behavior.
I'll probably catch the wrath of many when I say after years of work there might be a time to consider a more productive change for both people. It makes me cringe when spouces stay in a situation that makes them miserable when relief is no where in sight. If the relationship is in trouble don't keep this to yourself since half of the problem (your ADD spouce) may not be thinking it's such a huge problem.
On a lighter note, solving many of the small relationship problems also helps to reduce the extraneous things that get in the way of a clear view of the core issues.
As a final thought, keep up your own self development program! All the things that would be a part of a happy, fullfilling life as a single person (well, not other relationships) also contribute to your ability to contibute to a marriage. My wife sometimes gets caught up in my problems and doesn't spend any time on herself. She's really at her best when her life is full of friends, activities, and the things that are important to her.
Best wishes to all...