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Posted by Carol A on May 11, 2000 at 10:35:08:

In Reply to: Re: Blind Rage - Possible Bipolar Disorder? posted by Diane on May 10, 2000 at 18:33:48:

Another thing neglected is a good endocrine work-up. These symptoms are not unusual for hormonal/endocrinal imbalances...some people have radical temperment changes just from B-12 deficiency! Instead of correct diagnosis more drugs/chemicals are added to an already chemically imbalanced person and they really go haywire, physically.

I just want to say I judge no one, as we each struggle along best we can, most of us, and we each answer for the choices we make with our own children. My answer may not be your answer.

I tend to think that many times we are just not in control ourselves, as parents, and of course what I think is right from my own experience.

When my 2 year old wildcat daughter resisted every manner of discipline and control I could figure and I was at my wit's end, I saw a psychologist in a movie hold a resistant and unresponsive child against his will until he screamed and then cried and then quit struggling and then submitted willingly...all the while the doctor held the child against his will she told him she loved him and was not going to let him be out of control anymore.

Gee, what did I have to lose? My child was a maniac already, at age 2, right from the womb!
So, I held my girl. At first she just said she wanted down, but I said, no, mommy was going to hold her while she got her grumpies out.

It was not long before she was trying to claw out my eyes and flesh, kicking and screaming bloody murder as if I were torturing her. Some may think that was so cruel and mean to hold her against her will like that, but I did it to let her see I was the parent and she was the child. Believe me it took much more self-discipline for me to hold her and all the while tell her I loved her too much to let her go wild, than it did for her to finally relax in my care. I realized right then and there just who had been out of control all that time and it was not her...it was ME!

I had never taken the time to show her who was in control in the home. I had allowed her to run her own show since she had refused to nurse anymore at six weeks old. I had been anxious and insecure as a mom and could not exert maternal authority over my own children, back then.
Well, afterward I saw the result, a secure little girl, waiting to see what her mother wanted from her, sitting quietly on my lap (having taken over two hours for her to decide to quit resisting).

Later on this same girl grew up into a fine woman, to have a child that was also born like a little angry hornet right from the womb. I knew just how to handle him from the start. I taught my daughter how to handle him as I had handled her...only it took much less struggle as he was trained right from birth. When he was angry, he was swaddled, much as the American Indians swaddle a baby, and tenderly spoken to and held until he calmed. As he grew we taught him he is responsible for the consequences of his behaviour and taught him right ways to express frustration and anger without harming himself or others. We didn't get angry or rejecting at his angry outbursts, but remained in control.

As soon as we could we taught him to SAY what he felt, and take it to his room if he needed to be apart from others while he cooled off. He chose by himself to sit in a corner or his room rather than submit, many times, but now he is a child that has self-control. He still has his temperment, but he knows it is his own and he answers to what he does with it.
SELDOM does he ever cause any problem, by his own choice. His energy has been carefully, and tediously at times, channeled into positive directions. He is such a delight now, and has enough self-disciple to enjoy himself and complete tasks. He is still strong-willed as can be. We were careful to never belittle him or treat him like there was something wrong with him. We never broke his spirit, just reined him in.

In my opinion, nowadays a lot of we parents are too scared, busy, or confused to rein in our kids. I have, with permission, handled several other willful and out of control children of various ages and firmly but lovingly reined them in to being responsive and affectionate chidren where before they were out of control maniacs.

Aren't we told over and over that kids want parental control, no matter how hard they fight it? They want to see if we really are in control, and when we are not, they rightfully feel insecure and act out.

Now I am a grandparent myself, and can see where I went wrong in the past even more clearly. If I was not such a fearful parent from the beginning, my little wildcat would have been more of a wildcat kitten. Did she get the predisposition for her persobality from me? I am sure she did!
I would have been labled bi-polar, ADD, etc. Instead back then I was labeled emotionally impaired.
Was my mother in control of herself? No way! She had no control whatsoever and I knew it full well. I was one very insecure child!

This is for whoever may glean something from it, if anybody. I am in no way generalizing or judging any other children or parents. It is just my own experience.


: : While children with ADD are often somewhat argumentative and of strong opinions,I don't believe that it normally goes to the extent that you've described. I've read that in children with this kind of a problem, Bipolar Disorder may be present. Another one to definitely check out is Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). There's a web page for this at:
: : http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis1/p21-ch05.html

: : Also, keep in mind that these disorders very often overlap with ADD, so you may have a multiple issue to deal with here.

: Our little girl in 11/99 started Depkene for mood disorder and it really works she is 7 years old.There is help.It has been a hard road for us but the family is doing better due to depkene.Does not have such bad temper,still there not as often. good luck


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