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Posted by ADDmirer on August 23, 2000 at 13:36:43:

In Reply to: ADD and adult relationships posted by Alex on August 21, 2000 at 23:10:01:

I am also in a relationship with someone recently diagnosed with ADD (right around the time we started dating actually). He and I have known each other for a long time so had the friendship already. Can't say I know how ADD affects relationships - but I have just ordered a couple of books on ADD and relationships from Amazon.com. One is called "Honey are you listening" (I think) and they will show you other selections that are also relevant. If you haven't read any books - I found that "Driven to distraction" was a good explanation of what ADD is like for adults. It could be that the distance you are feeling is because of the ADD - or his response to the diagnosis. I know that when Richard was diagnosed - my response was very positive because it explained a lot of things. His response at first was to feel like another hit to his already low self-esteem and he didn't really want to deal with it. I suggest that you read books to inform yourself and, if your boyfriend is in counseling, perhaps consider going together so you can understand and help support him in the changes he may need to make in his lifestyle to help manage the effects of ADD.

The other thing I would say to you is to let him have his distance, if he needs it, and show him love through being willing to let him handle this the way he needs to. If you respond by clinging, he will probably just pull further away.

It is tough. I know how you feel. If you want to talk more directly, you can e-mail me
jenny_obrien@fitch.com


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