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Posted by crystal on October 25, 2000 at 18:52:55:


This may not be the typical ADD story, but I am wondering. Maybe I am not regular after all. All I know is that I have gotten excellent grades in school all my life..and was in gifted programs most of the time as well... though as I remeber, I was always very bored. I never studied, and could just sit and absorb what was being said, and always got A's on tests. Most of the time I wasnt really paying attention, because I was doing the homework assignment that was due in the next class...in those classes that I could get away with such things. I was the ultimate slacker... though no one knew it, cause I got excellent grades and could answer any question. I simply felt unchallenged, and didnt feel the need to do anything about it.

Anyway, I went to early admissions in college, and started experimenting with drugs. To make a long story short, I ended up becomming a raver (a kid who goes to all night dance parties and experiments with LOTS of drugs) All this was happening while I was a full time college student, and I also worked 20 hrs a week. My freind was prescribed to ritalin, and we used to crush it up and sniff it like speed. But it worked differently when I took it oraly. I would cram for finals and she would give a pill to take a day. I was amazed at how focused I became. I was reading chapters and chapters at a time, absorbing it all. It seemed like some sort of super drug for me, where as it just calmed her down.

Fast forward through a about a year and a half of experimenting with drugs. and now, i havent done any in two years. That part of my life is very over. But I do notice that I have a hard time concentrating. I am often spacy and feel like I may have a problem and done some damage to myself. Or perhaps I had it all along and I just didnt know. Its not real bad. I am a waitress in a very demanding resturaunt, and I do just fine. I can handle any task, once I start doing it, it just seems to be my descion facility that is werid sometimes. I'll decide to do something, then five minutes later change my mind. Sometimes I feel stuck..I know what I have to do, I just cant decide what to do first, or if I should do it now.

So I am wondering if Ritalin will help me. I am not friends with that one girl anymore, so I cant test it out now that I am clean to see if it would help. And I dont have insurance anymore, and I know no doctor is just going to hand over a prescription. Does anyone have any comments on all this??

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