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Posted by aurora on November 12, 2000 at 02:04:58:

hello my name is aurora as you might already have read and i was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder early this year . it took them at least 10 years to finally figure that out {ive been extremly symptomatic since elementary school} im seventeen and a half now .
its really a revolting thing how many times they misdiagnosed me when it was so ovious and i realize after much thought that a lot of my feelings of inadequacy result from that. i took ritalin briefly in may . i was on a lot of other stuff that i removed myself from cold turkey because i had to understand my underlying personality not affected by chemicals{ you know its a teenage lifelong inclination , to find yourself} so anyway, i stayed off medication and found that i really liked myself better and that i was more stabile and happier . the only problem was i was beyond disorganized. i would loose papers within five minutes of getting them i could not shut my mouth my poketbook was a disaster . my music was suffering because i would go to lessons all week long and not make progress. i was discouraged from praticing because i didnt think id get anywork done . my life has always been like this but now as im trying to wet my tootsies in the music biz or at least aiming to get to that point , i am a woman with a mission and i cannot be detered . so i went to my pschopharmacologist and told her i was willing to go back on ritalin 'cause i really felt it helped me and didnt wreck my creativity . she said do you want to try something else like adderall. i said tell me the side affects and she gave me a booklit {i will not be lead blindly into things especially after having been burned by so many doctors }and i read it . she wrote me a perscription for adderall and i picked it up this morning and took it and got more accomplished musically organizationally than i have ina long time . but tonght after piano and singing i go online to read more about this drug im taking {cautious} and i go to this website and its like creative people should not be medicated and there are ways around it and you should appreciate your so called disfunction . and im grooving to that cause well i hate drugs but the profound affect they can help me is mindboogling. i dont know ... i am perhaps more creative when i am functional. i dontknow again. true many perscription drugs have hurt me but perhaps this exempt . am i doing my self a disservice or am i allowing myself to
succeed or both? i feel alive and i have new lyrics in my head but still morally am i doing the right thing for myself ? ummm if you have any opinions please write me here or email me . thanx and good luck love aurora



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