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Message
Posted by Cori on October 08, 1999 at 10:46:05:

In Reply to: A.D.D. CHILD REFUSES TO TAKE MEDICATION......... posted by Frustrated Parent! on October 07, 1999 at 21:21:20:

: We have a fourteen year old son who refuses to go on any medication. We have explained to him that it will help him in school and keep him focused, but he still refuses to and says we can make him! He has been on Dexidrin and it really made a difference in him, however this was only for a few months. He says he doesn't want to take any drugs, but we happen to know that he has tried pot before and are worried this will continue.....even though he denies ever trying it! We find him to be very arguementive, aggressive, always right and never wrong, and just doesn't see the way things really are. He has been in school for just over a month now and is kicked out for three days as he was being aggressive with another child. We have told him that anymore problems in school and he will be taking the medication. His reply, "you can't make me". I wish we could just make him realize that the medication does help. Perhaps he really does like being the way that he is? Any help regarding this matter would be great! and yes our child was diagnosed with ADD two years ago, thankgoodness as a mother I always knew there was something wrong but was never sure what it could be.....


Hi,
I had a very resistant and rebellious son.
I understand the frustration of trying to get them to do something we deem positive. My son once told me "I am going to self-destruct and there is nothing you can do to stop me." He was right. Our relationship is fine now, at his age 28. So, I am speaking from hindsight.

I encourage you to back off and approach in a different way.

We deem teens to be children, and granted they are not mature adults. (how many really mature adults ARE there?) But it was not many years back that a twelve year old male was deemed a man, and was expected to tow the line! I think your son wants acknowledged as a man.

We can respect the truth that we cannot make them do things...even the courts acknowledge this fact.
We can tell our teens this:
you are very right that I cannot force you to do anything. I can't control your choices at all...you alone are responsible for what you choose. So whatever you choose, the consequences of that choice falls on you alone.

I just wnat you to know that if you make a wrong choice, esp. if it affects me, I am not going to rescue you...you will have to face the conseqence yourself.

I am still here to give you feedback and advice if you want it, and I will tell you what I think just because it is MY responsibility as your parent.
You are free to choose what you do, but remember I am also free to choose what I will do...so if you get in trouble over your decisions, then I may have a consequence to add to whatever else may have happened...(such as no computer, video games, TV, spending money, rides to do things,
friends over or whatever he really wants that you provide. Set a time frame for this.)

While you let the reins out, and give him space to try and yes he will fail, at the same time be sure to be more in control of yourself. Don't blame, manipulate, or try to convince him of your will. Just calmly provide consequences if he blows it. He will blow it. It is not our job to be sure our kids never make a mistake...it is our job to teach them to discipline themselevs or that things do not work out if they don't.

I think you probably have a smart and good son. He is struggling to grow up...to do so he has to have space to make mistakes. If we will not allow this, it nagers them and they will resist us to
have a sense of control. All he is doing is showing you that he is ready to assume some responsibility...but no teen can just say that.
And would we hear it anyway?

This is a normal process of parenting, and few of us recognoze what is happening when our kids grow up...it can be confusing for a paent, I know. My husband and I were totally manipulated by our renegade, but did not have to be if we only understood how to handle it.
Lord bless you in your discisions and letting go of your son. It is not an easy thing to go through.

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