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Posted by bert on September 13, 2000 at 22:18:24:

In Reply to: To Kevin from Victoria posted by Victoria on September 12, 2000 at 18:02:12:

: Dear Kevin,

: Interesting take on the subject! I know. If we sat down at the end of a day and had a beer, no one would think twice. But, because it is illegal, there is a tremendous amount of guilt associated with it. It's a lose-lose situation with me right now..... Thanks for your input!

dear victoria,

I am 41 yrs. old, I first smoked at 13 or so. I know I am addicted to pot because it seems to be more improtant than anything or any one. I attended 4 yrs of college and smoked every day sometimes all day. I hardly never attended classes and achieved more "FA's" than c's as grades. The only thing that kept me grounded was my love of football. I could totally function on the field
but always smoked. I left college at 21 w/ no degree, after being kicked off the team for selling two jionts to a freshman. In 1981 I was one of the top
linebackers in the South and was heavily recruited by the NFL until I was booted off the team.
It cost me a a NFL draft pick at 21 yrs. old. I married and was given an ultimatum to quite right
after my son ws born, I could not or would not quit and my wife divorced me and took my beautiful
6 mos. old son from me. I have continued smoking up until now and have recently grown tired and angry
with myself and my lack of motivation, memory, energy and responsibility. I have begun to question
myself as to why I smoke and here is what I'm finding out about myself. Oh by the way when my son is here
I can always find an excuse to run out of the house to get high. Anyway, growing up I was extremely
shy, especially around girls, my father was almost physically abusive to me in discipline. I also was
and am very sensitve. I was the biggest sissy on the block. However I found an outlet in sports and became
very good at them, but outside of that I remained an introvert. well around 18 -19 I through pot created this outgoing, strong,
tough persona, somewhat invincable side of me that I felt safe. throughout my life I have
used pot to protect myself from the pain and risk of being hurt. Looking back pot has cheated me of so many things,
I'm not bitter but I am tired of smoking to relieve the reality of life and it's problems. The truth is that I use pot to avoid
my own shortcomings and to "NOT CARE". I am trying to quit and this admission was a first step. All my friends smoke and
being around them is going to be hard to resist. I'm woking on it....
Any advice plz send

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