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Posted by Ellen on September 19, 2000 at 19:43:31:

In Reply to: Re: He smokes marijuana frequently and I never have. Could marriage work? Advice please! posted by Victoria on September 12, 2000 at 17:56:47:

: : I have been dating a guy for over six months. I love and care about him very much. A month into the relationship, he told me he smokes pot. I was glad he told me, but didn't realize how much it would bother me. I have never tried marijuana. I am a school teacher (not the grandmotherly type), I was never interested in smoking. I have ignored his smoking. He's told me that he'd quit if he got married, he wouldn't want it around his kids. The more I see, the more I wonder if he could quit. I do not want to tell him how to live his life or give him an untimatium, but I don't think I can live my life worried about what'll happen if someone finds pot in "our" house, in my car, etc. I could loose my job, in essence, my life. How hard is it to quit? I know he's smoked for the last six years at least. What should I do?

: Dear Lesley,

: I can only tell you my personal experience. It's hard to say what someone else can or cannot do. My husband and I are both "smokers". We've each been addicted for over 20 years. I say addicted, because that's exactly what it is. We don't feel "normal" when we stop. A LOT of pot smokers get to that point. Normal is when your high, and being straight feels abnormal. I would only enter into a marriage if you feel that you COULD live with it if it was a permanent thing with him. It doesn't matter how often one smokes. If you continue to do it, you're addicted. That is only my opinion. I have postings further down the board, if you want to check out my posting, and the replies I got. I'm more worried about the aspects of your job. If you married this man, and there was any arrests down the line, you could seriously jeopardize your career. Be careful, and go into this with EYES WIDE OPEN!!!!
: Much luck to you.

Lesley,
Listen to what the previous two posters wrote!!! I am IN the marriage you are thinking of entering and I wouldn't wish the heartache that I've gone through on my worst enemy. Run for your life and find out why you're attracted to this type of man. You'll never get "used" to him smoking that stuff and if he wanted to quit ("for the kids") he'd have done so already. My prayers are that you can get out of this relationship before it's too late.
Ellie

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