Posted by cody
on September 28, 2000 at 09:27:42:
In Reply to: Re: To "help me": posted by help me please on September 27, 2000 at 12:04:52:
: : Besides what Larry said about a person having to own a problem and to want the help, there is another side to this, and that is how you help your husband keep from owning his own problem.
: : I know you have forgiven and stayed becuase you did not want to lose the family or cause him to lose his job. But your husband needs the consequences of his own actions and choices before he will even know his problem, much less know he needs help.
: : The example you are giving your son is it is good to help another continue to be an addict and immoral.
: : By taking a stand and leaving this situation, you will be telling your son the truth...that his father has a serious and unacceptable problem. Whether or not he ever gets help or changes his morals is up to him, not you.
: : Your first responsibility is to take care of your son and set his example, and to take care of yourself so you acn be the mother.
: : You have been living a lie with your husband, that you would never want for your son. I am sure you never realized this, but you CAN get your mother-in-law the help she needs and then get out of there.
: : Your son and you deserve it.
: : Otherwise there is no hope for change.
: Friend,I feel u are right,He is at the dentist right now cause he had gum surgery couple weeks ago an his appt. wasn;'t until 4pm but he called an asked them to take him early cause his teeth hurt so bad,Well I had the same surgery he had an I was ok after about 4 days,he is just trying to get more pain pills,He has spent last 3 days in bed most of the time and this time I have no pity for him an I told him I have hard time feeling sorry for some-one who had the amount of pain pills he had an went through them in 13 days,I'm sorry but I hurt to bad an this is scareing me to death because i know deep inside me that he is not ever going to get help as long as he never has to pay for his mistakes,I feel now like I shouldn't have forgive him so quickly when he had the affair but he begged an promised me this time he would wean down off them,ofcourse it was just another lie,My son or anybody has no idea he has this problem but my son does see him lieing in bed or computer when he is supposed to be working an he has said stuff to him so now he gets off computer when my son gets home but still don't do any work an my son is bright so this will probrally not surprize him.I think I'm the one so scared to face what all is gonna happen an scared of him losing his job over this,I guess I need help myself facing this an getting the strenght to let him fall an fall hard,then he can make decision what is most important to him,his family or the pills an I'm afraid right now the answer is the pills,they have hold of him big time.Thanks again to everyone who has posted,I think it's all stuff I know but need to hear from other's for it to sink in.Wackcat
-- Hi again Wackcat
My heart really does go out to you. Yuor husband has put you in a really awful position and I imagine that it must be really hard to make such a major decision that will not only affect you but also your son.
It seems like the medical community has decided that 'addiction' is a disease just as
'diabetes' is a disease and from your posts it seems like your husband is being controlled by his addiction gremlins and is making really poor decisions.
I have sympathy for him as well as you, but based on personal experience I really think that you need to be firm with him. Like Larry said the addict needs to want to change in order for anything to work and alot of people say that he has to hit rock bottom before he can change. It sounds to me like he has, if he is either phoning up Dr.'s and pharmacies to get more and more drugs for nothing but his addiction and when he has drugs, has no control over how he uses them and then when he runs out has to stay in bed. It does not sound like much of a life!!
Please think about your decision - reading your post from a distance it is very easy to make a snap decision and to know what is right, but you are the one that has to live with the consequences of this major decision. Consult with health care proffesionals if you can, friends, your Dr., etc. etc., but when you have made your decision be strong and firm and loving!
I think that your post touched many people on this site and I wish you nothing but the best!