Posted by paula on October 03, 2000 at 03:49:34:

In Reply to: Re: Painkillers taken my husband posted by Been There Done That on September 27, 2000 at 13:53:10:

First of all no pain killer took your husband, he took them.
I came across this board and when I read that message I had to comment.

I am kind of sick to death of the addiction-illness thing that declares one devoid of responsibility, then we wonder why an addict is so irresponsible.
Yes, there is such a thing as addiction.
But it does not make one cheat on a spouse or entertain himself on chat rooms or shirk work or lie cheat or steal or neglect responsibility. Those are choices one makes because one loves drugs more than anything or anyone else.
Those that "forgive" those behaviors over and over in the face of no true change, are not really forgiving. They are just pretending so they can stay in denial about the abuses, because they don't want it to affect them, which is another lie, because it does affect them anyway! Meanwhile the kids are not stupid and are learning all this bad example from both parents.

Why would anyone want to keep a spouse so a kid could have that for a parent???
Because they are as self-centered as the addict.
I am not saying this to be mean. But Wack...you need to take a hard look at your SELF. This is not about your husband, it is about your own weakness.
None of us can give you courage or honesty.
That man needs turned in at the very least to his many doctors. People like him are why many honest people with honest pain cannot get the pain relief they deserve.

Have you ever thught about what will happen if you are implicated in his schemes and why do you think he will not implicate you when he finally gets caught?
Then you will lose your own meds and maybe your son. But you can seek opinions until it finally happens, I guess. What is the difference between you and your husband?

You need to take control of your own life and what you want in it. No one else can do this for you.
So, you gave him chances to change. Now face that he did not. So what if he loses his job? There are others worthy of that job that need it.
Take care of your son and get him into a right atmospere.
See women's support or your family for help to do this.
Believe me you will come out looking like the bad guy if you DON"T.
You are teaching your son the example of covering up bad behaviour so he can do that to his wife too, someday.
Think about it.
Why do you feel sorry for that man?
Does he feel sorry for you?
Or even for his own mother?

Well, we make the bed we want to lie in, and if you don't change the situation, that was your choice.

I just want to help you wanke up before it is too late. Get whatever help you need to change your own life.