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Posted by CHRISTINE on October 13, 2000 at 12:23:28:

In Reply to: Re: Please Help posted by M13 on October 11, 2000 at 18:45:04:

: : : : Hello all...my boyfriend has been lying to me for over a year..He said he quit drinking but I can smell it on his breath and see the credit card receipts for the vodka. I am not a drinker at all and this really upsets me. His father drinks alot of beer at night so i think it runs in the family. I assume my boyfriend has at least 5 shots of vodka a night. He is only 26 and has been drinking for many years. He also has stomache problems which I believe can from drinking, though he wont go to the dr. I would appreciate any feedback/advise you can offer...I have not admitted to my boyfriend that I know he is drinking again, and I dont know how to bring it up. He gets very defensive and angry if I do bring it up..I love him, but feel this is ruining our relationship (we have been together 2 yrs) thanks in advance, sorry this post is so long.....Dominique

: : : HI DOMINIQUE,
: : : I AM NOT THAT FAMILIAR WITH ALCOHOLISM. I DID DATE SOMEONE IN THE SAME SITUATION. IT IS TOTALLY UP TO THEM. HE PROBABLY NEEDS TO HIT ROCK BOTTOM TO REALIZE HIS PROBLEM AND SEEK HELP. I THINK YOU SHOULD CONTACT ALANON. THEY WOULD HAVE MUCH MORE KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THINGS THAT YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO TO HELP HIM. THEY ARE FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS OF ALCOHOLICS. YOU MIGHT NEED TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND TAKE A STEP BACK. SOMETIMES IT TAKES LEAVING TO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO THE OTHER PERSON. GOOD LUCK.

: : Hi dominique
: : your boyfriend sounds like he may be on the road to alcholisim. by not confronting him you are letting think he is getting away with this deception. confront him with your fears and feelings in a safe place- not at a bar or when he is drunk. also as Robin suggested get in touch with alanon. they can help with further suggestions GOODLUCK
: : M13

: PS I have been fighting booze/ drugs for over 30 years and been sober for 23 years

Dominique,

The first day that I went to and addiction counselor the first thing that he told me was "addicts lie" and that is one of the truest statements that I have learned. I spent 10 years with an alcoholic and it is no picnic. Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease and unless your boyfriend chooses to get help he will continue using and his behavior will get worse and worse. If he is lying to you in the boyfriend/girlfriend stage how do you think he is going to act when and if you decide to get married? Alcoholics are manipulative and they are unable to accept responsibility for there actions. So, therefore, you are the problem and they will blame you for everything. And this will make you doubt yourself and become someone that you don't want to be. I would recomend reading the book "Freeing Someone You Love From Alcohol and Other Drugs". You can find it on Amazon.com. I would also recommend Alanon. It can't hurt. The thing that saved me from living a terrible life with an addict is knowledge. I learned about addiction. I learned the characterstics, I learned to change my behaviors so that he wouldn't have an excuse to drink. You don't want to live every day of your life smelling his breath and wondering if he is drinking do you? That is not living. I wish you the best and I hope that your boyfriend chooses to stop but if he doesn't I would decide if you truly want to live the rest of your life with an addict!
Christine
P.S I left me husband because the alcohol wasn't enough and he became addicted to meth....not a fun life, now I have raise 2 children alone....



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