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Posted by constable bob on October 20, 2000 at 20:38:00:

In Reply to: Not doing so well.................. posted by Victoria on October 20, 2000 at 18:40:59:

: : Victoria,

: : I didn't use it last night. I got about 2-3 hours of sleep. I talked to my husband, and told him that there were a lot of people on this board mentioning that pot broke up their marriage. I told him that I would appreciate it if he was to not do it around me anymore, that I was going to try to quit. After leaving him to think about what I said, he told me he was going to slow down, because he doesn't want to lose me. So I have a little bit of support now. I just hope that it works. Last night was killer for me. It took everything out of me not to grab the pipe... I ended up moving to the couch where I was able to get a few Zzzzz's. Wish me luck.

: Jes,

: I DO wish you lots and lots of luck. You'll need it.

: Me - I'm not doing so well. Husband was heaving heavy sighs all of last night. He does that when he's jonesin'. Practically every day. He acts like the world is ending. One night, I told him that I was concerned, because he seemed so unhappy. He responded "What have I got to be happy about?". Ouch. For starters, how about me, and our two wonderful sons? Well, apparently, that's not good enough for him, not if he can't get high. He's more or less emotionally blackmailing me. It's been without actually saying it, but I confronted him last night, and he admitted to it. His theory - I'll be happy again, but only if you let us get back to smoking pot. If not, we'll continue to be miserable. Now, what the hell am I supposed to do? I don't work outside of the home, have no place to go, and I'm stuck in this void of unhappiness. I hope it doesn't happen to you this way. Please be aware of warning signs. He promised me for 15 years to "slow down", and it NEVER happened. Is your husband slowing down? I'm curious.

Hi Jes and Victoria;

I read you postings a couple of times and first off I want you to know that I take them very seriously.

I don't smoke anthing but have tried pot and hash in the past. Only times that I used more than once a month or so was when my wife contracted lung cancer and spent her remaining time in a hospice (3 1/2 months). There is no question that the pot allowed me to get through things without booze, pills or pitty parties. At that time it was an escape from reality for me as well as the best sleeping aid I have ever had - so I do understand why people smoke. I have friends that range from 25 - 55 who smoke most days. They are very hardworking, intelligent people who enjoy the pot better than a beer, wine or whiskey.

I have never seen anyone who smoked pot (and only had pot) and became beligerant or violent. I have seen hundreds of people who used alcohol become violent, withdrawn and not fun to be around. While i would not choose to spend a quality evening with someone zonked on pot or booze, if I had to pick one I would choose pot. Unfortunately, the people who have made out laws over the years enjoyed alcohol and cigarettes - made them legal - and have made pot illegal. that is a pretty major drawback - especially for someone who has a family.

I guess what I am trying to say is that if your husband thinks that he needs something to help him cope/relax etc. - aside from being illegal (which is a bid deal, but) I would rather have my spouse smoke pot rather than drink, use valium, crank, heroin etc. etc..

HOWEVER, if he is using it every night that is obviously not good. Maybe he is in agreement with you about quitting, but is afraid of not having any available? If that is so, could you start of not smoking pot say on Monday - Thursday? Agree to a certain amount on the weekend when all of your responsibilities have been looked after and try that for a few weeks? Then add Friday , Saturday or Sunday to your non-pot days. Would him smoking 2 days a week be acceptable to you? Would you rather he drank a dozen beer a night (I know that they are both bad but if you had to choose?) If he was in agreement with your plan you would have to make it clear that you won't put up with any smoking other than on the days you agree on. If he cheats then you have to decide what to do then.

I don't have the answers and i am not a drug counsellor but if he is going to keep smoking do you think that the above would be a better way for all of you!

I hope I haven't upset you in any way. I know that this is a serious thing.

Good luckk//Bob

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