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Posted by Dev on December 04, 2000 at 15:10:37:

In Reply to: marijuana addiction posted by K on November 11, 2000 at 23:25:13:

Hi all, this is my first post here (or anywhere for that matter)

K,

Of course this sounds familiar for me and I suspect for a lot of people here as well. Iíve smoked for around 5 years and have stopped once or twice in the past 2. I think the longest was only for around 3 months. Today is actually the start of an attempt to go dry. It was brought on by the fact that my current job contract ends in a few weeks and I donít know if my next contract will require a test. Not the most noble of reasons, but Iíll take it.

Like you, Iíve always had a problem with substance. I was so glad when I first started smoking since it stopped me from drinking completely and I really do feel that alcohol was worse for me in so many ways. However every Ďpositive reasoní that I thought I had when I started has now gone away. It used to increase my appetite (I was 6í and 115lbs before I started, got up to 140) now I have no hunger even when I smoke (back down to 130). I used to stress too much over everything and it helped me relax, now itís the number one cause of my stress. It used to help me sleep, now I feel that I canít sleep without it and it just doesnít knock me out the way it used to.

My wife smokes as well. At various times, one of us will get sick of it, but itís usually just when the other is feeling particularly week. Sheís normally better about it than me, but she was the one who got us re-started the last time (Ďweíll just keep it for weekends, weíll cut backí etc.). Despite the fact that I have gone back, Iím not too worried about staying clean, but I just hate the initial withdrawal so much. My wife can just force here way through it with little to no effect, but Iím constantly plagued by severe physical effects (the cause may be mental, but the results are physical) Ė canít sleep or eat, physical action makes me very nauseated (and I have to do a lot during my typical day), night and day sweats. Iím cheered by the knowledge that Iíve gotten through it before, but chilled because I remember how much it hurt and how much the process throws my life into chaos. I canít say that I feel that itís a good time for me to have to do it, but I know that thereís no such thing as a good time.

Dev

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