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Message
Posted by Been There on March 31, 2000 at 00:30:41:

In Reply to: crack addiction and depression posted by anita on March 30, 2000 at 20:25:36:

: my name is anita. i have been taking zoloft for about 8 years. i first went to a physician with post partum depression. i realized that i had no self esteem and felt lost. i also realized that i had been feeling this way for most of my life. my husband and i had sessions with a doctor for a short while. the zoloft seemed to work. i stopped crying and everything seemed fine. i should add that i had used cocaine in the past (about 3 years) prior to getting help for depression. life went on and then i found cocaine again. used it on occasion (introveniously) it was undectable especially wearing long sleeves if you get my meaning. anyway, my drug dealer wouldn't sell to me anymore and time went on again. finally, i found crack cocaine! i started using on occasion, then once in awhile then most recently about once weekly. sounds like a pattern, hu? i have been using crack for about 2 years now. my husband was unaware as was everyone else. i snuck around, lied and covered my back, hiding, using all along. i have become an expert at sneaking, lying, and covering my tracks. NOW i have surrendered!!!!! i am sober for 8 days!! i told my husband, everything. we went to a family member and told her as well. in this 8 days of sobriety i have not had any cravings or sick feelings. actually i dont know if i should be experiencing withdrawls. anyway, we have sought help and are now trying to figure out which coarse of treatment to take. my husband loves me and is willing to support me and continue our marriage of 13 years. we have two wonderful children. i am very lucky for this and WILL LOOSE EVERYTHING if my problems dont get fixed. here is the thing....i think, sincerely, that i can stop the cocaine use myself. i mean without detox. i think i need help with dealing with my weaknesses and depression. so do i join N.A? go to a doctor and do a one on one thing or do you think from the sound of things that i am a real sick puppy and need as much help from the inside and outside world as possible? i also would like to know if you think i should be re-evaluated for the zoloft, 8 years seems to be a long time to me. thank you for any input on this matter. oh, one more thing. i have not entirely ruined my life. i still hold the same full time job, pay all the bills on time, run the household, spend quality time with my family and go to church on sunday. yes i sound like the model citizen and now i can be one, soberly.

Anita,
I have been down the road you are traveling. That road took me from being the model daughter of a loving family from rural Pennsylvania to the clutches of a bad crack cocaine addiction. It started slowly, until I started stealing money from my family, around $25,000 in two months, which put me in the clutches of my addiction. My family allowed me to come home, to remove myself from the city that fed my addiction, but I still used in their house. But I grew restless with their rules and moved back to that city. I did really good for a while. Had a good job, was finishing college, and then I started again. Especially when I would get my college loan check. Then I found the addicts dream, a drug dealing boyfriend. I not only smoked, but then I started to snort. I would steal from him and it wasn't hard because he had so much of it that he couldn't keep track so I was in heaven. Then I hit rock bottom, which I am sure that you have too because that is the point when you can't take it anymore and you want out but the drug calls you and you come to the point when you are so desperate that you consider taking your own life. Then, I found my salvation. It was two weeks in rehab. I believe that this was the turning point of my addiction. Even though after those weeks, I had slipped and used again but it is partly due to DEPRESSION. This word plays a big role in addiction. I believe NA would help you or even AA, because they follow the same guidelines. They helped me but don't think that it is them, it is you that really does it. It is you that decides whether or not you can cope. The 12 steps are there to guide you. I have dreams often about getting high and it is very disturbing. Just remember that there is plenty of places to get help. Rehab was very helpful. NA/AA is very helpful. Please, explore those options that are available to you, because addiction is hell, and hard, not only on you but on your soul and your family. Take Care and Good Luck. ( I have been clean for 2 1/2 years)

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