Posted by ?????
on August 29, 2000 at 09:58:48:
In Reply to: my husband posted by ???? on August 28, 2000 at 15:07:12:
: I need to vent. Since my 4 year old son was diagnosed with Autism 2 years ago I have no marriage. I also have
: a 9 year old daughter (mild ADHD). I work Monday thru Thursday, 9 hours a day and spend every spare
: moment I have doing research to help my son. My son 2 years ago was very severe, only three words, no eye
: contact, walked on his toes, terrible behavior, hit his head, spinned in circles, played with no one, was in his own
: world most of the time and didn't even know who I was. I was devistated at first and than became determined to
: get my son back. My husband (who would do nothing to help just left everything up to me. Well now my son is
: back (still not normal and is behind) in our world. He talks all the time, loves to play with other children, better
: eye contact, no bad behavior, no longer walks on his toes, he is saying 6 to 7 word sentences, knows his color,
: shapes and so much more. He know longer goes into his own world and truly is a different child. I am so thankful
: to have him back and here those words every day "Mommy, I love you". He is truly a mommy's boy. My son has
: done so many things that helped him like, vitamin therapy, secretin, gf/cf diet, one on one therapy in the home
: for a year and a half, chelation, speech therapy, o.t therapy and his early childhood school. I have traveled
: around to some conferences (DAN conf.) to learn as much as possble. I always do it all alone because my
: husband is to lazy and has not patience. I could tell you a story that would take me hours to type on all the work
: I have done for my son with no help. I have been to counseling twice and this has helped but my husband will
: not. He will do whatever I tell him to do but when it comes to research, doctors. appt. etc. he does nothing. All
: he ever does is tell me how he is going to change and help me more because he knows that all of my sons'
: gains are because of me. I also try to have time for my daughter so she is not left out (like girl scouts and
: church activities). I love my children so much that it hurts and they truly are my life. I never knew how much life
: meant to me until I had children. My husband is so far behind on what to do for my son that it makes me sick.
: He is all talk and no show. I have no respect for him anymore and don't believe anything he says because he
: never follows through. We had our tenth anniversary last Friday and it meant nothing to me. The only reason I
: stay with him is because of my children. I know that is terrible but I have lost all respect for him. He tells me that
: nobody would every want me because I am to obsessed with my children. I know he loves his kids but he is not
: as dedicated as I am.
: The really bad thing is that I miss having sex and romance in my life. I am truly a romantic person and wish
: sometimes I could find someone to just have an affair with that would love me for me. I know if I was single that
: I could get dates but the minute they found out I had a child with Autism they would probably run and with me it
: is a package deal. I brought these children into this world and I am responsible for there future. Most of the time
: I just fantasize about a relationship and that helps. I went to my 20 year class reunion a few weeks ago and my
: husband did tell me that out of my class (over 400 classmates) I was one of the hottest women there. I put on
: my tight red dress, did my hair just perfect, hoping he would not be able to keep his hands off of me but it did
: not work. Instead all of my old classmates would not leave me alone. I was even dancing with other people.
: One guy (whom I did not know but his wife graduated with me) ask my husband if he could dance with me
: because he just loved blondes. My husband said sure and I did because this guy was cute. I had a few drinks
: and was pretty loosened up and was trying everything to get my husband's attention and it did work a little but
: when we left to go home, it was over. I was hoping he would just grab me in his arms and give me that romantic
: kiss, than pull me in the back seat like we were kids again but No. Sometimes I think he is just to layed back and
: I am to wild for him. He tells me he misses sex but it is hard to get interested anymore for me (unless I have a
: few drinks) when I have lost all respect for him.
: I know my life is over as far as romance/sex goes now but I do have my children and should not complain. It's
: just that sometimes when there sleeping and everything is quiet I miss my love life. I am determined that my son
: will be able to take care of himself someday and I do not know what I will do when he is gone because by than I
: will hate my husband and will probably leave him. I will than be single at 51 years of age. I want to leave my
: husband but I will not until my son has graduated from high school and able to take care of himself (which will
: I love that song by Kenny Rogers (buy me a rose -I think that is what it's called) because that it truly me.
: Just wondering if anyone else feels this way.
I went throught the same thing recently. After my son was diagnosed, I totally absorbed myself in information and singlehandedly set up his therapy. I had to start the GFCF diet while my husband was on a business trip because he thought it was a bunch of nonsense and wouldn't follow it. When he came home a week later he was amazed at the difference and wants him to stay on the diet.
Sometimes I feel like he thinks that problems take care of themselves and don't require action. He goes on with life the same way he used to before. He hasn't ammended his schedule to make any extra effort on my son's behalf. Now I wonder, has it always been this way and it took a crisis to notice.
About the sex issue - I have concluded women need to be loved by their husband to have sex with them and men need to have sex to feel loved. After the longest sex free stretch we had in our relationship, I decided I would give in even though I was mad at him. Our relationship is back on track and we are finding romance that was lost years ago. He still isn't as dedicated to the autism cause as I would like him to be, but he's making more of an effort.
Good luck to you. I hope things get better for your relationship. Even though it seems like he doesn't help much, it might still be better than trying to get by all by yourself.