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Posted by Maria (Bos) on October 31, 2000 at 13:52:14:

I don't know what is going on in here, and who is responsible for it, but where did all the "love" and "kindness" go? This used to be such a warm, and loving place. I can only speak for myself, but it just doesnít feel right any more.

Not too long ago, when it would get to be too much for me, and I felt over-whelmed, this use to be the first place I would come to for a little "picker upper" or some "loving advise". Now I'm afraid to post anything personal because of so much "vulgarity" and "profanity", and because of personal conflicts in here. Iím afraid when I open up the board Iím going to find more fighting and vulgarity. I miss the way it used to be. It just doesnít seem safe anymore. Un-safe is the only word I can think of. Itís just sad, and it breaks my heart because I donít understand what happened. Can someone tell me? Off course if youíre going to send me to hell, or tell me to get my head out of my butt, or something else like that, spare me please. Whatís the other most popular one? ďIf you donít like it, then go find another board to postĒ something like that.

I guess I donít know what is the purpose of this post; maybe I just want to vent. Maybe Iím being delusional and I think something will change. Maybe I feel partially responsible for what is going on. I donít know I just wish it would stop, and things could be ďnormalĒ again. I donít think itís fair to blame it all on the Moderator for not cleaning this place up. Sure, it would be nice, but I donít think that itís any one passing by playing a prank that is causing this once warm ďhomeĒ, to become a cold and violent place.

Not too long ago, I would sit here; in this same spot, cry my eyes off, and type away. And then I would cry and smile as I would read the lovely response I would get from so many of you. My God, you guys knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. I remember the day Jill D. went in for her surgery, I had only known her for a few days yet I sat here and cried all day thinking about all the poor thing was going to go through. I remember how relieved I felt when I posted ďam I the only one here?Ē and so many others posted that they too were feeling the same way about her.
Now I feel like I have to be careful with my words because some one might come back with a nasty remark, or even worse, (yes there is an even worse) some one might even completely ignore my post, as if it wasnít even there.

Well, Iím sorry if I insulted any one. I want you all to know I care very much for each and every one of you. You are all in my thoughts and prayers, and you have become a very important part of my life (whether you want to or not).
I still donít think this place is ďuselessĒ, I just think it needs some serious cleaning up. (And I donít mean by the HB Moderator either)

I wish you all to be well.

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