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Posted by Lori/AKA/Stewart on November 09, 2000 at 10:29:50:

In Reply to: Speaking of Anexity posted by Stewart on November 08, 2000 at 23:45:35:

Thanks to all of you who posted. You have made me feel better because I now know that I am not crazy. I wish all you relief. Maria I am so sorry that you are going through what are going through. Could you please update me as to what has been done to correct your situation so far. Kevin, I am glad that I provided a forumn for you to vent. I understand ever word you said, and feel the same way. I don't think I could have said it any better then you did. I too get nervous in crowds. I am afraid that someone will bump into me or get PO'd that I can move fast enough. The meat idle at my favorite grosery store is my biggest fear. Everyone is grabbing for this or that and I just stand back and wait for an opening. Jill, thanks so much, though I am not a church goer there isn't a day that I don't talk to God and thank him for the day that I have had and pray for dawn. I always pray for a new day. I know that I have gone through this for a reason. I too will be building a website. It will be different then the ones' that other people have started. It will be a "journal" website where people can post their stories. I then plan to write a book to try and educate people that just because a person looks fine doesn't mean that they are fine. I don't expect the whole world to read it, but, maybe I could change just a few people. Let me give you an example. Yesterday I went to the bank. There was a "houty touty" women just standing there not in line. I waited a minute to see what she was going to do. She did nothing, so I went to the next window. She started yelling at me that I took her place. I told her that I didn't know that she was in line because she was just standing there, and I gave her the window. Since I am well known at the bank and the president is a good friend another window was opened for me and I finished my tranaction before the bit@h. When I turned to leave I said to her "have a wonderful day" she told me to as well. I then said "let me give you a lesson in humanity, you never know what is going on in people's heads, I am on my way to pick up my mother at chemo therapy as she has terminal cancer". I wasn't quite about this and everyone within ear shot gasped or froze in place. All she could do was turn red and mumble "sorry". So this web site will be to share story's the book will be to share story's. If it changes one person then the hard work to put it together will be worth it. Thanks again to all of you and God Bless. Lori


: Hello,

: For anyone who has been through this back stuff, do you have any suggestions on how to break the fear of living again? Had a "strong" session with my councelor today. I told her that haven't really been looking for a job because I am so AFRAID of getting one and then having the S!!T hit the fan again. I know that someday I am looking down a loaded barrel for a cervical fusion, (4th surgery) I am just so afraid that I will get a job and 3 months later I am out of the game again. I know that I shouldn't complain about this, because so many of you are still way behind me in the whole process. I am afraid of coming off of the meds because I am afraid of pain and I am afraid of the withdrawl. Guys I feel guilty for posting this. I am afraid to live again. I would rather sit hear and wait for the next disaster. Am I nuts or what. I am really looking for someone to tell me "you can do it", even though I know I can. My neck has quited down since I had my robaxin refilled, (muscle relaxer), but I just know...I just know...that if I get a job all hell is going to break loose, just like before. I have to say it is nice to have all of you hear. Any advise that maybe would open up a mental window for me is always appreciated. God Bless to all. Stewart.

: P.S. What would you guys think if I posted under my real name, or do you like my dogs name Stewart.


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