I guess I just need to express my feelings and I read a few of these posts and I felt like sharing my story. It's now been 2 months and 7 days (June 21, 2004 at 3:00 am) since my dad passed away. He was 74 years old at the time of his death. He had lung cancer that had spread throughout his entire body. He decided against cancer treatments and toughed it out for quite a while. He was on oxygen 24/7 with his emphezima since 1997. I always blamed myself for years that my dad was sick after I left is when he ended up in the hospital and accepted the fact that he had emphezima. It took a few years for my dad to let me back into his life, but Im grateful that he did, and that my kids got to know their grandpa. He was my life, he's been there since the day I was born, in fact he delivered me. But what I really want to know is will I ever be able to be ok with the fact that he is gone? I miss him so greatly and I regret now being able to see him during the last days of his life.
I wanted to say a little about what happened during the last months of his life. He was on pain patches for at least the last 2 or 3 months of his life, according to my step-mom she didn't even know how much pain he was in because he held a lot inside and didn't want anyone to worry about him, this is how he was, he would put his best face on and hide the pain. It happened June 18 2004, he was in so much pain that he finally gave up and allowed my step mom and my older sister (who had came out from TN the week before) take him to the hospital. They live about 3 1/2 hours from the V.A in Salt Lake City Utah, well on this day it took them over 6 hours to get my dad to the hospital because he would black out or get so ill that he couldn't stand it. They got him there and set up on everything he needed to be comfortable. Well they didn't know, none of us knew how bad the cancer was. The doctor informed my sister that he was dying, and she was like well we know that, and it'll be another year right? the dr said no this man is dying now, within the next few hours he'll be gone. Well my sister tried to call myself and my other sister, but my dad wouldn't allow her to. He didn't want us to see him in the condition he was in. I was completely out of it thinking why didn't he want us there. But I eventually came to realize that he was doing it to protect us. Well according to my sister the last few hours of his life were well I dont know how to say it, but I'll tell you the story. He was lying there in the V.A in the hospice room and would come in and out of conciousness. The last two hours before he passed he came to and looked around the room then at my sister and said hi babe, I have to pee, typical of my dad to be funny at a time like this. So about an hour later was the last time he came to, and he sat straight up in bed looking around and said over and over again, Im imagining things, but he wouldn't tell my sister what he saw. Also just like dad, he liked to make you wonder what was going on. And so my sister thought it was the pain medicine making him hallucinate, however the meds he was on had no affects such as those, and an hour later my dad was gone, he was not in pain. And we know he's up there somewhere riding his harley and hanging out with Elvis