Re: Faith in Recovery
3 or 4 months into outpatient rehab and AA meetings I started to go nuts. I hated sobriety, hated my family, hated my job, became convinced people were staring at me all the time, so I decided to tell everybody to take a hike, I was moving to a little cabin in Vermont.
I was crawling out of my skin.
I was miserably unhappy and figured if I felt this bad, then sobriety just didn't make any sense. Why bother?
I talked to my AA sponsor, expecting a magic answer. Instead he asked me his usual annoying question...did I pray?
I didn't want to hear about prayer. I didn't want to hear about God or Higher Power or any of that crapola. I didn't believe any of it.
Commuting to work the next day I became convinced people were staring at my pants. Some one bumped into me on the crowded train platform and I almost swung at them. I couldn't take it anymore and I started praying. And slowly, I began to feel better.
We aren't big enough for all life's insanity, especially when we heap drugs and booze on top. We feel better at first, then our lives fall apart. But when I began to pray, I began to feel better. I'm taking the load off my shoulders and asking my Higher Power to help, because I can't.
I'm now convinced of the power of prayer.
It took me 4 yrs to get AA. I was addicted to scotch and Xanax. The guy I sponser took 20 yrs to get this program.
Go to meetings, grab a seat and even if you don't believe, start praying.