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Old 03-03-2005, 01:31 PM   #4
Ninispjc Ninispjc is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Western USA
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Re: being cheap and deciding what to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by twotulips
My boyfriend of two years is so very cheap.He always talks about how everything has to be 100% equal.If he buys me dinner,I owe him half.He doesnt like to do small fun things everyday because they are a "waste of money" My sisters and their boyfriends are good to each other with money.My sisters boyfriend takes her places and buys her clothes and things like that.Its not that Im materialistic because Im not but its getting me down thinking that my boyfriend has bought me only two pieces of jewellery in the last two years.hes bought other little things and he wasnt cheap at first but he is now.I asked him to buy me a juice one day and I got the death look from him.He wont even compromise on it at all.Its his way all the time.I dont know how I can make him more giving or if he is a lost cause.It just mnakes me sad to think of what my sisters boyfriends do for them compared to what I get from my boyfriend.My other friends boyfriend is taking her to mexico and she lives with him and doesn pay rent.I dont want to be a free loader or anything because I like things to be fairly equal but this is stupid.Hes not even that great of a guy so I dont see why Im compromising so much with this.Any one else been in this situation?
I think cheapness is a form of selfishness. Whether it stems from coming from poverty or obsession with having a nestegg for the future, it's still selfish. I dated a guy that I always had to go dutch with, in fact bought him dinner and stuff quiet often, but it was mainly because he was dirt poor. It really bothere him that he couldn't pay my way and buy me dinner and that type of thing. But he did try. He'd save for special occassions and liked treating me to dinner for our anniversary and stuff like that. But this guy refused to eve spring for a juice? I'm wondering what else will he be selfish with in the future? I'm no free loader either, I pay my own bills and never would expect a man to pay my rent (unless I was married to him and couldn't work because I was having his baby or something) or my bills, but what if he makes more than you, as is quite often the case? EVen if he doesn't make more than you, he has the potential to. But my personal feeling is, as long as women still make 78 cents for every dollar a man makes in this country, I won't feel bad about a man treating me to dinner. But any healthy relationship is give and take. He can buy the movie tickets, you buy the popcorn and drinks. What if you're a little short this pay period and payday is still a few days away? He should be willing to buy you a friggin' juice for crying out loud! Wouldn't you do the same for him if he was thirsty and short of cash one day? Does he keep a notepad to keep tally of who pays for what? There's a difference between being thrifty and being so tight that you don't live life or allow anyone else around you to live it, either. It does sound a bit ridiculous. And it sounds like a big ol' honkin' red flag. Be VERY careful about getting serious with this guy. Did you ever see the movie The Joy Luck Club? One of the characters was in a relationship with a man like this. It didn't turn out well.