Re: My Life; Need help
When I was 18 I was anorexic and then I wanted to overcome it, but I was very scared of that phenomenon that you also describe - that when you "refeed" your body, it will gain weight fast, etc.
I can say for your comfort that in my case I had to eat a WHOLE lot to even gain some weight.
I think if you are athletic, active... that is perfect for gaining some "healthy" muscle weight, and being active also keeps your metabolism from getting too slow.
But I must say after reading your post, be very very careful that you don't slip into an eating disorder. Some things you say, like being afraid of feeling fat, etc... are warning signals. Try to be totally honest toward yourself on what the reasons for your wanting to stay skinny are!