Re: I need some help
There are many good PTSD websites out there. If you just type PTSD in a google search you can find millions of websites. I never thought I had it because.....well, let me tell you my story so that you understand.
November 30, 2003, three days after Thanksgiving my dad went to Florida to play golf (my parent's are div.), so we were all home by ourselves (my brother & I). I was 19, my brother 17. It was a Sat. night and he asked me if he could have a few people over to have a few drinks. I told him I didn't care as long as they weren't loud because I had to work the next day, and it didn't turn into a huge party. One of my good friends (also 19 at the time) went to the liquor store and bought them 2 cases of Budweiser w/ a fake ID. When I went to bed I felt nervous about the situation so I told my brother that no one was to leave unless he was for sure they had a sober ride home or they walked (two of them live right up the st.). I awoke the next morning to my brother screaming, his face was white as a ghost, his eyeballs sticking out of his head like golf balls. He just kept saying ****** is dead. (this boy was pretty much my little brother, his sister is my age and we all grew up together). I kept asking him what happened and he told me ***** was just laying there on the floor. The 1st thing I thought was alcohol poisoning I mean what the hell else could happen. I put my shoes on and went up to the house as fast as possible, thinking repeatedly he will not die if I have anything to do about it and I really believed that he wouldn't.
I got up to the house and ran in the front door as fast as I could. He was right in front of the door. All I saw was blood and more blood and a shotgun. I closed the door and started screaming bloody murder. I stood against my car and waited for the cops to get there. I passed out and hit my head on my car at one point.
Ever since the incident I had the biggest startle reaction if someone scares me. And it took me 6 months to open doors on my own, I used to have to have people open the door for me and look and make sure nothing bad was on the other side. I hated being at home by myself at night. I always felt like someone was behind me watching me. I had/have terrible dreams about the bullet going through his head, etc.
I have to go home right now from work so I will continue at home in a few.