Need a little help please
On February 25th, 2004 my sister in law delivered a wonderful healthy baby girl, Angel Michelle. She shared mine and my daughters middle name. I was in the room when she was born and was 3rd to hold her (only after her mom and dad). I remember feeling so close to her at that moment, and vowed to have a very special "AUNT" relationship with her. We lived an hour away but I made that drive several days that first week and called on the days I couldn't go see her. Then on March 7th, 2004 (my birthday) at 6:00 am, our phone rang. I figured it was my mom calling to wake me up and sing my annual birthday wake up song, but it wasn't. It was my mother in law calling to let me know that Angel had fallen victim to what looked like SIDS. The ambulance was on it's was and could I come ASAP. And so I did. Angels mom was only 18 years old and this was her 2nd child. She was beside herself as was her husband. So I held myself together and made all of the arrangements, picked out her final resting place and what she would be laid to rest in, and so on. Then after all was said and done, I fell apart. I was so sad, and my daughter was too. We will never forget Angel Michelle, and always thank God for those 11 days with her. Each year at my birthday dinner We have a moment of silence in remembrance of her. Now, less than a year and a half later my sister in law called to tell me she was expecting again. She is 16 weeks and having a boy. She sounded so happy. But I couldn't return the joy. She made several statements about how she would finally get to have her baby again and she always wanted a boy and a girl. Like she had forgotten all about our precious Angel. I know for some people, life moves on, but I'm not sure I can ever be happy about this new little one. I pray each day it will be okay and remain healthy, but I can't find excitement inside for this. So I'm asking for advise on how to overcome the anguish caused by our first tragedy so I can see the joy in this new life. I've already told my husband that I WILL NOT be there when this baby is born. Any help would be appreciated.