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Old 09-16-2005, 06:09 AM   #1
MaleVictim MaleVictim is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2005
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Please Help Me - Very Sad Man Getting Divorced

Hello. This is the first time I've posted something here and am looking for some advice. I've been married for a number of years to a woman that I thought truly loved me. A little about myself if I may. I don't smoke, use drugs, and drink very little alcohol. I always provided well for my family and spent lots of quality time with them. For many years I've taken time to help others in need, now i find myself needing help. This is a very difficult spot to be in and one I never dreamed would happen to me.

My wife has always had a problem with her anger and her ability to control it. Over the years she used to berate me with foul language, name calling, threats of divorcing me, and sometimes would physically hit me. By the time all was said and done, even though I stuck to the marriage and my wife, I felt like I was in a dark hole from which I could not pull myself out of. I basically felt totally emasculated.

My wife took less and less interest in having any type of a decent sexual relationship with me even though I would do anything to please her before I would please myself. Because of my love of her, I would pretty much overlook her faults and would have done anything for her. Despite all that, she always threatened to divorce me, and always blamed our problems on me. She seemed to have a problem accepting any blame for our relationship problems. We even tried counseling on several occasions, but that didn't help. I really tried everything I could, but nothing seemed to help. I know I may not have been perfect (who is), but I never thought my wife would be loving one minute and cold the next. Kinda like a Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hide thing.

About 2 and a half years ago I found out that she was having an affair with a coworker. It really broke my heart. I confronted her and she really blew her stack. We managed to talk it out, go to counseling and, ultimately, I forgave her. Unfortunately, I found out that she had and was having two more affairs up to the time I asked her for a divorce (one affair lasted about two years). I didn't tell her I knew of the affairs because she just would have denied them. But it was the truth, she was having the them. I never gave her a reason to cheat on me, and always tried to do what was right as a husband, father, and human being. I have a job that is very honorable, perform a lot of community service, and also take care of myself physically. I don't know what else I could have done to make my wife want to have a sexual relationship with me (sometimes we'd go a month or longer without sex), or to prevent her from having affairs - atleast ones that I know of.

Due to her violence and anger issues, I was forced to get a restraining order against her. She blames me for that since she had to leave our home. She does not accept any responsibility. Before all this even happened, I found out that she called my employer and told them numerous lies in order to get me fired. Now I might be losing my job. How can she be so mean and devious? Can anybody explain why my soon to be ex-wife is like she is, and what can I do to protect myself and our child from her? Please help!

Last edited by MaleVictim; 09-16-2005 at 12:27 PM. Reason: More likely to get advice