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Old 11-09-2005, 08:31 PM   #1
10kDilsey 10kDilsey is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Elk Grove, CA
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Is this PPD or what?

Hello all, I have a question for all the new and experienced moms out there regarding some weird thoughts I have been having. (side note: I have a 5 year old son and NEVER experienced this after his birth)

DD will be 3 weeks old tomorrow and although I am thrilled to have her (it took DH and I over three years of trying to conceive!) I have been having some pretty overwhelming fears lately.

For example: I would not take DD out in public for the first two weeks after she was born because I had this fear that someone would try to hurt her. It was completely irrational, but I had this overwhelming fear that a complete stranger would approach me, grab her and do something horrible. The images that go through my mind were so graphic and horrid that I just couldn't imagine subjecting her to the risks the outside world posed within my own imagination.

This week I have finally ventured out of the house and the fear is subsiding somewhat, but it is still very much there. I have also had an overwhelming fear of my own death. I have been quietly obsessing about the details of my childrens' care if something should happen to me while they are still small.

I guess the reason all this is so weird to me is because I have never been a fearful kind of person. I have been known to jump out of perfectly good airplanes, I am a scuba-diver, I have travelled throughout the world by myself without hesitation. Why am I falling apart now? Is this a weird type of PPD?

I know this is a really depressing start to a thread and probably incredibly disturbing but I was wondering if any other moms ever went through something similar. I think I am losing my mind.