How long does it take to feel normal?
Hi all - I am new here, an addict, addicted to oxys - I am rx'd 6 (80's) a day for a back problem but take about 10 a day, then spend all my money buying them to make up for the days I am out, until I get a next script. I have been on them for 5 years now and at this point I need to take them just to feel normal. I have been addicted to a whole smorgesboard of drugs over the years and have punished myself, tirelessly, for so long. I have lost jobs, friends, money, not to mention the self loathing, shame, embarrassment, disgust and anger that I feel for myself. I am having a procedure on 12/15 to have the nerve endings in my discs burned (RFA - Radio Frequency Ablation) as a final attempt to avoid having surgery. I think that since I have used opiates for so long - off an on since I was 16 - which makes 19 years of use - more than half my life I have been on drugs - everyday use for about the last 5 years - mainly opiates but really anything I could get my hands on. Only rx drugs though, I am too scared to smoke crack or shoot heroin and I don't like pot, and am not a drinker- anyway, I think that my brain does not release any 'natural' pain killers so my pain is much more exaggerated than it should be.
My question - I am scard to NOT use anything. How long does it take to feel normal again? How long does w/d last? If I wake up and don't take something w/in an hour I feel sick, like crap, and as the day goes on, I can't stand to be in my own skin. I throw up, shake, can't sleep, can't get comfortable, in and out of the bathtub b/c the only time I don't hurt is when I am under water.....and that's only on the first day. I thought the w/d didn't kick in until 24-48 hours? No? So, for those of you who have had the strength to quit, to stay sober, how long before you feel good?
I don't know if I have the strength to do it.
I don't know what to expect.
I am scared to go through w/d.
I am scared to live sober.
I am scared to not have drugs.
I know enough to have found this site and through everything in my life that I have lost and destroyed b/c of drugs that I have to stop.
I have to stop.
I have to.
I am weak, though and I don't know how to do it. I am already telling myself, that I'll just wait until the 15th until I have the procedure done, then once my back pain is better, I can taper off and everything will be wonderful. I am kidding myself, I know. I cannot take my meds as they are prescribed. I have tried.. I cannot, because I am an addict. When I am out of meds, I have contemplated suicide over going through the w/d, but my faith does not allow me to act on those impulses. I guess I just need to know that it can be done, as I have read some of your posts that it can, that you are doing it....good for you. I admire your courage and your strength and your willpower to do it. I need some of that.
Thanks for listening - Jasmine