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Old 12-06-2005, 09:17 PM   #1
Himera Himera is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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Anyone Want To Play Connect The Dots With My Problems?

Recently I've started wonder if I have any sort of, well more then average problems. It's not something I've never wondered about before but I've started thinking about it a lot the last little while mainly when I started reading about autism. Now, I don't think I have any form of autism (or at least the test results said I didn't) but from that I just started wondering about myself.

So I made a list of odd things about me ranging from very strange to sort of normal.

Sorry for the length, another problem I have is never retelling stories in a short manner - if someone asks for a movie summary and it's almost impossible for me to not tell them the whole movie - in which I'm sure they get lost before the half way mark.

- I've always had a hard time making friends, in high school I only had one really close friend (who now is basically my only real life friend), besides her I've had a few other "friends", the others I mostly only saw in school.

- I'm not interested in relationships beyond that of being friends, that sort of intimacy scares me and at the same time I also don't think I would want it. Pretty much a never been kissed and not interested, and only been attracted to two people my whole life. So, asexual there? Maybe just repressed? Who knows.

- I've always been very shy. Over the years I've become less shy then when I was younger, just this summer a family friend that hadn't seen me in a while told me I'm no longer shy like I was when I was a little girl, which sort of surprised me because I was still nervous tlaking to her, I think the only thing that changed is that I know her better. I think having a close friend in high school changed me somewhat, but I'm still the quite one most of the time.

- As long as I can remember I've had problems talking to people over the phone, and find it basically impossible to phone someone, even at the expense of my family becoming annoyed that I won't be thanking someone for a gift. The only people I feel conformable phoning are my mother or father... and I supose I don't have a problem talking to my friend, as long as I know she'll be the one answering the phone, thought I don't really phone her or my mother at all, they have to phone me. When I was younger I didn't even want to phone my childhood friend that I've known since I was three.

- I don't like the idea of having to socially interact with a large group of people of people. Even more so if I don't know very well.

- While I don't mind hanging out with my friend, I like being alone more often then not. If I were to stay at my friends house over night I'd feel the need to evacuate the scene and get some peace and quite the nest day. I sort of feel weird about this because sometimes when I'm leaving my friend will be like "you could stay longer you know..." and I feel really bad and generally try and make up an excuse, because I think she may think I don't like spending time with her...

- I like collecting things and have an over the top obsession with some TV series, so I sort of live in my own little world.

- I have huge problems adjusting to changes.

- I've never had a job and I'm scared of getting one, I'm also scared of leaning to drive a car.... both just seem too difficult to maintain and also seem scary.

- Even since I can remember, snoring or odd breathing has driven be CRAZY. I'd yell at my dad to stop "breathing like that!", he's the only one I'd feel conformable enough to yell at about it but with others it will still grate on my nerves.

- As long as I can remember I've talked to myself when I'm alone, sort of like thinking out lound, but never never others are in the house/area.

- I could get work done in class but when it came to homework I could NEVER focus long enough and would never get it done. I'd conveniently miss school to finish it and even then I would not get it finished or generally not even start it. I'd manage to do anything but my work and as a result miss months of school a year for this sole reason.

At first I always thought of this as being lazy but after a point it was like a serious question of what the hell I was doing, I knew I wouldn't get my work done, I knew if I missed school I wouldn't get it done anyway, yet I still missed school... and even if I didn't enjoy school much I absolutely hated missing school... yet I still couldn't get my work done. It got so bad that the school made me see a counsellor once when I didn't want to return to school - if I missed a few days, I might as well miss a few more was the way I looked at it. I never really opened up to the guy so they never learned a thing, expect I told them when I'd go back to school, and I did... so I never saw them again.

- As from the above you can tell I have serious avoiding issues in everything to do with a normal life.

- I had even less friends in elementary school, like, maybe none in the first few years of school... I was placed in some "friend" program around grade five that only contained one other student. It goes without saying people thought I was weird and I was called a few names, nothing overly serious... mostly. I don't remember how I acted back then, I image I was far stranger then I am now.

The reason I say that is because back then I didn't pay attention to how people were suppose to act. Sort of like, I played with toys in the bath until around grade seven. Ideas like "what's cool" and the "clothing trends" were beyond me. For instance, on picture day I'd just wear what my parents would tell me to wear and as a result when comparing myself now to other kids clothing back then I'd look ridiculous... hahaha, back then I didn't even notice. Even when I did catch on I was never interested in following trends, my parents bought all my clothes without me caring too much of what the clothes would look like (I'd want plan clothes and jeans, that's all that mattered). Until I was in grade nine or ten my parents picked out my clothes because I've never liked clothes shopping. I still don't care about clothes but I'd rather pick my own.

- I was never good with math, from grade four on I was in a special class. I was better then many kids in the class later on, but I don't remember what I was learning now. All I can do really is add and subtract, even division I never remembered.

- I was told I had slower hand/brain connections so taling notes would be slower. While I don't notice this as much with affecting video games, I was one of the slowest people in class to take notes.

- For the above two points I was told this was because I was premature by a few months, but I'm never too sure.

- My grade four speciality math teacher thought I had ADD. Everyone disagreed with her... and considering I can sit in front of the computer all day long I guess she was wrong. I don't know what she saw in me in relation to ADD. I do know however that I disagreed with her on some things to the point where she phoned my house once. I remember being really upset saying I didn't do it internally, she was the only teacher I have disputed before most teachers I've liked, and to this day I don't know why I did it. Maybe I just didn't like her? I sure know she didn't like me...

- For as long as I can remember I haven't been like most people with the urge to grow up. I've always been scared of the idea, and I guess it's really starting to show now that I'm older.

- I have sensitive skin to wool or anything similar to it, I've never been able to stand the stuff - it makes me very itchy and I have to take the clothes off almost right away.

- I've always been a very picky eater. I examine my food, and I've never been able to stand eating anything fatty. I don't mean like bacon where it's burned off, but where there is fat I can't stand it. I've gone as far as bitting into fat and almost puking many times.

I think the above long summary of my life sort of lists most odd things I can think of about myself. Comment on something or possibly if you think I have a some disorder go ahead and tell me. I'd like to know opinions!

PS: I'm sorry if this is the wrong area to be posthing this too, I wasn't sure where to post my curiosity but my oddness in general.

Last edited by Himera; 12-06-2005 at 09:26 PM.