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Old 03-07-2006, 11:12 AM   #4
Murray67980 Murray67980 is offline
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Re: curious...your ex coming back...what did you do

I took mine back last year. He wasn't with another woman that I know of. He just broke up with me b/c he didn't want to get married and take the next step in our relationship after 3 years of being together.
About 2 months after the break-up he came back a changed man. He wanted to get married and have a family and buy a house together. The whole 9 yards! Even told my family and friends about his ideas for a proposal, ring, ect... I adjusted "my" future plans to make them "our" future plans because I trusted him and thought that he did in fact always want to be with me. I convinced myself that he was just scared and made a mistake. It was pure bliss for a while...

Now, a year later, guess what? He dumped me again for the same exact reasons as before. I see first hand now, the problems that break a relationship in the first place are going to break it again and again and again. That is why it is important durring a break-up to focus more on what broke you up rather the good times you had. You can remember the good times somewhere down the road when you have had a chance to heal...

I don't think he lied to me. I think he really truely wanted to want me forever. But it is not that easy to change who you are or what you want. We may try, but our original fears and doubts will always come back to haunt us.

Oh and guess what else??? My ex is starting to act like he misses me again and even sent me an email saying that he made a mistake and "we should just fly to Vegas and get married."
HA! I almost choked when I read it. What nerve he has to think he can F*** with me this way! How many times does he expect me to make the same mistake over and over?!?! I may need help with this situation because I do love him so much. But I don't deserve the emotional torment and humiliation he has put me through! And I know that it will just happen again. I know it now. He's not going to change.
I guess the question is...." Are the happy times worth the pain that is bound to eventually come back again?"
Hmmm...I don't know. Sometimes it does seem worth it. I could have 8 months of happiness, and 4 months of intense misery. Or jsut 12 months of feeling nothing at all... I don't know...
I just wish he would leave me be.... My heart says don't let go, and my head says RUN!
I think I jinxed myself yesterday when I posted something along the lines of "at least I get to move on and never wonder if I made a mistake because I had no choice in the situation."
Now it seems like he's giving me a choice again and I don't want it! I'm so mad and upset and confused! My stomach hurts and I have a constant nervous feeling. I should just tell him to leave me alone but that is so hard to do when I am feeling so lonely and missing him. UUHHGG!

Anyway, to get back on topic... My advise to anyone who hopes for an ex to come back is, FORGET ABOUT IT! All you are doing is setting yourself up for the same pain again and again. Instead of hoping for their return, focus on what went wrong and try to use your new found knowledge to prevent the same problems from occuring in future relationships.
Of course I am speaking from my own experiences. I'm sure there are many stories of couples getting back together and living happily ever after. Heck, I thought I was going to be one of them... If it happens, Great! But don't sit around hoping for it to happen...
You need to use your judgement and realize that if you get back together, there isn't going to be any major changes that last very long. Do you want it back the way it was? Or do you want it back under different circumstances or conditions? If you want it to change, I would just forget about it.

Of course, I repeat, I am speaking from my own experiences. I am not trying to downplay happy couples who have broken up and gotten back together, to have it work out great for them. I truely believe that it can work, but each situation is different. I know that people can change but no one deserves to sit around hoping that they will.
I thought that our break-up made us realize how much we loved each other and how much we took each other for granted at times... I thought the time apart made us stronger and I was burned. So, I'm a little bitter.