I can't work and haven't been able to since 1999. My back & neck simply won't allow me to hold down a full time job......It's not as if I haven't tried though. I took a position at my daughter's school working in the cafeteria and I barely made it through the day. I came home and the pain was so severe that I couldn't get out of bed for the next three days. I couldn't even get up to brush my teeth or take a shower. I felt like a complete failure and I let my family down because I was of no use to anyone for days following ONE day at the cafeteria. I was in pain and miserable and I took it out on my family. I don't get disability from my previous employment and I was denied SSD several times, so I have no financial help at all. By taking the job in the cafeteria, I put my SSD application at risk and I only managed to get through 6 hours of work. In retrospect, I was being selfish for risking my SSD when I should have realized that I couldn't hold down a full time job. My back/neck barely allow me to take care of my house and go grocery shopping, so thinking I could work all day and come home and do it all was just stupid on my part.
Please don't think it's been easy on my family. My inability to work has been financially devastating. Right now, my mortgage is close to foreclosure and we don't have the money to catch up. It's been terrible and I feel so guilty because I can't go out and get a job to help my family.
You mention, "Not working is not an option. Disability would not begin to cover our expenses. I simply have no choice. I have to work".
In my case, I don't even get disability. We have nothing and soon we may not even have a home. I wish I could turn down disability because, "it wouldn't begin to cover our expenses".
You, also, talk about coworkers who take, "easy assignments" but, you take, "full assignments for fear of losing your job if you make waves". Do you think your coworkers don't worry about their jobs? [REMOVED]
I would love to be able to push myself and go to work,but, I can't. You have other options such as disability and taking an easy assignment, but, you made the choice to turn them down.
Some of us don't have choices, we take it day by day and pray it will get better.
You, also mention, "meds make you drowsy and nauseated, so I can only take something at night, and not often". Do you know, if I didn't take my meds, I couldn't get out of be at all? To be able to make a choice not to take meds because of the side effects would be GREAT. Again, you've made the choice not to take meds. [REMOVED]
If I could work 40+ hours and not take any pain meds, except for occasionally at night, I'd be thrilled. It's terrible to want to work and support your family and not be able to do it. The guilt is tremendous and the worrying about money is constant.
Instead of being, "angry & jealous" think about how blessed you are that you can go out and work. [REMOVED]