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Old 07-03-2006, 04:39 PM   #5
elmhar elmhar is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2004
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Re: Not normal stress . . . hugs please

I agree with Glojer. Talk to the police on a non-emergency basis, and be prepared with a factual physical description. Maybe even a photo or a still shot from a security tape. If weirdo has a car w/license plates, photos of those as well. You never know, this guy may have a history of stalking & the police may appreciate whatever info you supply. At the very least they will authoritatively inform you as to the law on stalking in your state. That way, you can be prepared to swear out a restraining order should he make a move. Or, maybe they'll tell you he's well known for being idiotic but harmless.

If you're in a mall, or if the store has private security, the security guards should be notified of the details.

I'm wondering whether any of the male store managers have approached him directly. Usually stores have rules about loitering. It would seem to me that if he's not the world's best customer, and up to all of this weird stuff, someone should talk to him. Get his name. Maybe if he purchases it's on his credit card.

There are ways to make people like this uncomfortable, without crossing any boundaries. Just having a male staff member stay close to this guy and "mirror " his behavior might be enough. So, when weirdo gets out a stool to watch you, staff guy gets on a stool in front of weirdo's face, to watch him.

Continue being sensibly safe. Let a security guard or coworker escort you to your vehicle after work. Make sure your cell phone is always charged. Have a plan. Maybe take a self-defense class, or if mace/pepper spray is allowed in your state, get it. At the very least, get a special alarm key chain that's easily activated in emergency, and loud enough to scare the dufus off.

Do you have a boyfriend, (or cousin, or friend, someone to pose as BF) who can arrive at your work with flowers & take you out for coffee on break? Give wierdo the idea that you're taken. The companion idea to this is for you to NOT give weirdo attention at all. Let other people on staff do it. Maybe change your "look" for a while. If you dress cute at present, try a black wig, black outfits, and a punkier look. You can still look businesslike, but you don't have to come across as a sweet young thing. It might turn him off, even if you do it just once in a while.

I highly recommend the CD set entitled Breathing, by Andrew Weil MD to help deal with the extra situational stress. The more proactive you can be on all fronts, the less of a victim you will appear to be, the more confident you will feel, and the less total stress on your body.

Best wishes.