I never knew what "focus on you" means exactly, and I'm sure it's hard to forget someone you clearly have feelings for, even if it was wrong to start the affair. But I would suggest that you be honest in yourself and decide that you deserve better. Tell him you can no longer be involved with an unavailable man and that you realized you want it all, including someone who can be yours only. I think that would be the first step to living from a place of integrity and that alone will make you feel better about yourself. Then you can be free to meet the man who will not require you to be a "secret" but will be proud of you and want to show you off to everyone! Keep saying to yourself that you are worthy of such a relationship and don't accept anything less than that.