"but the depression gets the better of me and its this horrible spaced out feeling i cant seem to handle. i worry i'll drift from reality completely." - For the most part I feel exactly the same way.
I am slowly getting better (almost eliminated the depression) and haven't had the anxiety attacks in a while. Truthfully I have no advice on how to get rid of it as I 'fight' it it seems to happen less but I really try not to think about it at all. Because of the 'drifting from reality' feeling I seem to think about life and just people in general way to much. As if what if this is my imagination doing all this stuff but I just keep telling myself if it was each day I wouldn't hear or learn something I have no prior knowledge about (that I know of).