It REALLY is incredible when a loved one becomes sick... on top of it with all that you are going through. You DO find out who your TRUE friends are.
When your husband goes out of work, his insurance is going to cut out at some point... they will offer him COBRA for a period of time, but he may need to apply for additional benefits. Actually, his pride might get the best of him and YOU might have to contact the social worker in the town where you live. There IS state aid available for insurance, and some aid if you qualify for food assistance. We got/get help with health insurance. If you husband complains about you looking into this, tell him that he put enough into it... now it's his turn to LEGITIMATELY claim from it. There are also social workers at the cancer centers who can file for donations, essentially grants that foundations give to families in need going through what you are. PLEASE inquire about them.
Also, tell your husband that they most likely will NOT put in an epidural when he's out... they need to make sure they hit the right area, that it's working and he's numb. I told you my experience with an epidural, and personally would NOT go that route. As far as the catheter, they DEFINITELY can put it in when he's out, and do any prep work they need to-- shaving a little down his pubis or abdomen if necessary (if their nice!!). Also, PLEASE tell him when it is time for the catheter to come out, once they remove ALL the solution holding the foley catheter in place, he should be forceful in telling the nurse that HE WILL PULL IT OUT. All he has to do is slowly pull down and outward. It is MUCH less painful when you do it yourself.
As for telling anything from his urine... Yes, they can see if there is microscopic bleeding, sometimes there are cancerous cells that can come down and into the urine. The surgeon is right... the first spot for a met from a tumor in the colon is typically to the liver and then the lungs. This is not to say that it CAN'T go elsewhere though. HAS HE HAD A PET SCAN? PETS show where there is cancer in your body. THEN you follow up with CT or MRI's for a closer view of where it "showed cancer present."
As for me, tell him when you cath 6 or more times a day, it just becomes something you do. Like getting adjusted to the colostomy bag, learning to live with not being able to "perform" sexually, living in constant pain... these are all things that were due to WHERE the tumor was, and the damage that was done to the nerves and tissue from radiation and surgery. So, no, I have been to top specialists in the field and this is it. I can get more surgery to get a penile implant... at 33 and married, it's looking better and better to have something rather than nothing. Thanks for the hug, we ALL need one sometimes.