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Old 09-14-2006, 05:55 AM   #4
duchess66 duchess66 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Sad, angry, confused.........

Thank you both very much for taking the time to read my post and to respond.

As far as having BPD or BP, well it is always a possibility, although I don't really think those are the case. He does exhibit one or two of the traits, but is far off from the others.

I think it is more of an anger management issue. I honestly believe that his upbringing is responsible for alot of it. Don't get me wrong, he comes from a very loving family, but from what I have heard, his parents, mom especially, seemed to be really hard on him. She was always criticizing his behaviour, expecting way too much from him and NEVER giving him credit for anything. He used to get upset when he would tell me that she would always tell him to not be stupid. I have even heard this on occasion since we have been married right out of her mouth. I know she meant well, and always wanted her son to behave in a certain manner, but she went about it all wrong and now the kids and I must deal with the consequences.

You see, my DH loves to talk, is very loud, and can be very funny. People meeting him for the first time are very impressed by him because he seems very outgoing, very kind and has a sense of humour. This is all true BUT when you get to know him better, you start seeing the "true" him. While he can still be nice, he also criticizes very much and gets irritated very easily, especially if he feels he is being criticized in anyway. Basically, he can dish it out, but he can't take it.

His father passed away in June 2005, after being diagnosed with colon cancer 4 months prior. I know this was very hard on him and still is. Some family members ask me if our problems stemmed from this, but I tell them that we were having these issues far before his father was even sick. I am sure that it doesn't help the matter anyway.

As far as your question, "Iwant2quit", my DH does like to drink, but it isn't very often and has not been an issue with us, although, when he does driink, he becomes even more abnoxious and ignorant. If he starts yapping when he has been drinking, I just straight out tell him "I will talk about whatever you are talking about tomorrow, when you have a clear head", and I basically ignore him.

I have a very big, close family. My parents, two brothers, two sisters. and all of their spouses and children. We are all very close. More than one family member has said to me "Your husband has always acted the same way, it's just the way he is, why does it bother you NOW?" They are convinced that it is ME who has changed. that all of a sudden what was acceptable behaviour now isn't. Maybe they are right, but in that case, WHAT DO I DO ABOUT IT???