they've upped the meds, why am I so tearful?
I have been having panic attacks, self medicating, paranoid and dellusional for about 6 weeks. This has been exacerbated by my dad's death, a real bad debt situation and some other marital issues.
I started the new dose Friday night (2000mg from 1500mg Depakote) plus Clonazapam at night to sleep.
The last 3 days have felt much better, but today and am in total despair.
We have decided in order to clear the debts we are selling the house we live in and making a one time payoff to all creditors under a gov't backed scheme. I am giving all my equity in this house to my husband to do this. I am moving 2 1/2 hours away back to the south west coast where I come from, and where I have pretty much always wanted to go back to. We live just outside London now, commuter belt surrounded by the rat race and really wealthy women that do nothing or are involved in the corporate ladder. Something which i quit in April because Software is so vapid and souless plus being the MD put untold stress on my condition.
I've done the new math today; my house down south which i own pre marriage plus a rental house for my husband up here so he can see his kids, just doesn't add up; he wants a whole house, but it's his £140k debt which he never told me about that's put us in this situation. He keeps going on about moving to Dorset for my health. He has always been against it when I have suggested it before, because of his work but mainly children. Because I am so scared of work right now I feel totally trapped. I forsee many conversations in the future about it being my fault he has to travel so much and not see his kids. If the marriage fails due to the distance I will have lost circa £100k. I can't survive financially right now on my own. I hate being dependant. I am so scared of the future. I am scared to include the debt of have in this agreement (£25k, which was ok when i earnt £108k pa) because of the stigma for the future. I am so desperate and confused.
I can't stop crying and I just want to take off now with my daughter back down south, with my equity and let him just get on with his life. Is this confusion because the meds are still not right? Yesterday everything was great.