good for you distroyed.....your strength will get you through this.
you did all you could possibly do.....it's out of your hands.
you gave it your all, you can't feel bad about anything......you tried.
I'm sorry it didn't have the desired outcome, but you did not lose yourself (which would have been very easy to do).
I'm glad to hear you're smiling again.......stay strong. It will get better.