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Old 11-03-2006, 08:59 AM   #3
PitaL PitaL is offline
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Re: Long distance relationship--with no resolution

Quote:
Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
And are both of you single or still married? If both of you or one of you is married, then obviously the first thing to do is to get a divorce. JC
He is divorced, I am in the process. But we met after both. Neither of us was in a married relationship when we met.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
But I don't understand him. Does he want you to leave everything (everyone) behind and go to him? Is this fair? What about your kids? It is almost always easier for a man with kids, for kids usually stay with their moms. JC
No---he understands that I am not able to move. The ultimatum he's giving really isn't to me, it's to himself. He knows he's the one that needs to make the big change if this is going to work out. I think he's trying to work through that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
By the way, have you ever met this man personally? If not, he can be simply a mirage. JC
We have met personally. He isn't a mirage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
And why is he giving you an ultimatum? How long has this affair going on? Do your kids (husband?) know about it?JC
I talked about the ultimatum portion of it above----- we have been seeing each other for just 5 months--been together in person only twice. I have been trying to convince him we need to see each other again before the end of the year, but he's convinced it's a waste of money if we don't find a solution.

My son knows of him. I am on the phone or computer with him constantly--my son is aware of his existence, but he's only 9. My soon to be ex does know about him.

His children aren't aware. They don't live with him, and I'm sure he doesn't share much with his ex.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
It seems that you are totally in love with him, but unless I am wrong, he doesn't seem to be on the same wavelength. Unless you have made a promise to him and are not able to keep it now, his pushing you for a decision is much harder than the physical distance between you.JC
I don't have insecurities about his feelings for me. I know they are there, and I know they are real. Again, his push is not for me to make a decision. He knows what I want and how I feel. His push is to make a decision so that both of us can figure out how to deal with the emotional trauma of wanting/needing to be with someone that you can't be with. I am worried that there isn't a solution. The only solution would be for him to leave everything behind for me. That makes me feel very guilty---especially because I actually want him to do it. But---it also makes me feel hypocritical, because I won't move and take my son away from his dad (his dad would step in legally for sure anyway--but that's beside the point).

Mostly, I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to deal with this for the next 2 months--knowing every day that it's going to end soon. I don't know. I'm just feeling in limbo! And sad! And I'm tired of crying all the time. I've never been the kind of girl to cry easily, people would joke around about my emotional strength. I feel like a wuss all of a sudden.