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Old 11-03-2006, 12:16 PM   #26
brazilman brazilman is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Long distance relationship--with no resolution

Hi PitaL!

Just see how quickly this thread is growing to be large. You have really managed to call our attention and interest.

I agree with brook65. I don't know if you are a Cancer (I know Cancers are said to be very much attached to their homes, btw), but I think it must feel to you as if you had found the unicorn. This man is like the unicorn for you, of which there is only one exemplary. It's natural that it hurts to lose him. Moreover because I think that you are the sort of person who has always kept your love life in the background, not giving it the priority. So now that you have met him, must you give him up again? Although I am a man, I can put myself in your shoes, and I know it is painful.

Somewhere, however, you talk about addiction. Maybe it is not so much an addiction as it is an attachment. Maybe you are more attached to the idea you make of this man (the unicorn) than to this man himself.

Tell me, if I may ask: when you first met him, were you looking for someone? Or you simply bumped into him? I think you have mentioned something about this, but I can't remember what it was exactly.

What I want to know is: were you very unhappy before you met him? Did you feel that something (someone) was missing in your life? If you hadn't met him, what would your life look like nowadays? And do you think it would have made a difference if you had met someone else instead of him? What I mean to say is: perhaps you were just in need of a friend, of someone you could talk to, someone you could share things with ... in one word, you were in need of someone to give life a meaning and to make it simpler, not more complicated. You were not in need of HIM.

I am sorry to say this, but this man (the unicorn) is just making your life more complicated. And to a certain extent, complicated, difficult things are more irresistible, harder to let go.

Basically, I think you need someone to make your life simpler. Unless he makes himself simpler and easier to reach, unless he gives up his throne, so to say, he surely isn't the piece that is missing in your life puzzle. I am not asking you to snub him, but rather to realize that this man is much like green grapes for you at this point of your life. Inacessible. Who knows in the future?

To answer your question: "Why do you feel he has less to lose by moving than I do? Not a trite question, a serious one, I want to know your opinion on this." Well I thought he had not much contact with his kids and that maybe he wanted to have kids with you, too. Besides, although I am not a believer, I think the Bible is right when it says: "Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh." (Genesis)

That is, in marriage it belongs to the man to make the biggest stride (change), not to the woman.

Best.

JC