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Old 11-03-2006, 12:57 PM   #27
PitaL PitaL is offline
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Re: Long distance relationship--with no resolution

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Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
I don't know if you are a Cancer
nope--Leo
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Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
but I think it must feel to you as if you had found the unicorn. This man is like the unicorn for you, of which there is only one exemplary. It's natural that it hurts to lose him. Moreover because I think that you are the sort of person who has always kept your love life in the background, not giving it the priority. So now that you have met him, must you give him up again? Although I am a man, I can put myself in your shoes, and I know it is painful.
I honestly have not even considered an actual relationship since my separation. I have dated, but no relationships. Actually had come to the point in my life where I thought I may not need a relationship like that with a man again. Not out of anger by any means. Just thought I was fine on my own---not a necessity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
Somewhere, however, you talk about addiction. Maybe it is not so much an addiction as it is an attachment. Maybe you are more attached to the idea you make of this man (the unicorn) than to this man himself.
I have spent many hours thinking on that very likelihood. It is very possible, but my brain is still clouded enough by emotion that it isn't completely clear to me.
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Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
Tell me, if I may ask: when you first met him, were you looking for someone? Or you simply bumped into him? I think you have mentioned something about this, but I can't remember what it was exactly.
We "bumped into each other", neither of us was looking for anything.
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Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
What I want to know is: were you very unhappy before you met him? Did you feel that something (someone) was missing in your life?
I wasn't "unhappy". I'm honestly not sure if I felt like something or someone was missing. I didn't think about it much. I feel like now, if I didn't have him, I would feel like something was missing, now that that has been there. Does that make any sense?? I dread the idea of feeling that void!
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Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
If you hadn't met him, what would your life look like nowadays?
my life would be the same as it was before, simple.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
And do you think it would have made a difference if you had met someone else instead of him? What I mean to say is: perhaps you were just in need of a friend, of someone you could talk to, someone you could share things with ... in one word, you were in need of someone to give life a meaning and to make it simpler, not more complicated. You were not in need of HIM.
Of course that is possible, but not something that I can form an unbiased opinion on right now. I am going to think on this more, you have hit a chord with me, because for some reason I am crying. This lack of control over tears is getting to me! It isn't like me at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
I am sorry to say this, but this man (the unicorn) is just making your life more complicated. And to a certain extent, complicated, difficult things are more irresistible, harder to let go. .
This also is going to take more thought. You are definately making me think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
To answer your question: "Why do you feel he has less to lose by moving than I do? Not a trite question, a serious one, I want to know your opinion on this." Well I thought he had not much contact with his kids and that maybe he wanted to have kids with you, too. Besides, although I am not a believer, I think the Bible is right when it says: "Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh." (Genesis)

That is, in marriage it belongs to the man to make the biggest stride (change), not to the woman..
Well..... he doesn't get to see his children much, but they are still a factor in his life. I understand what you are saying about the man making the strides, and ironically, I think he would agree with your opinion in that matter. But... is it fair for me to want him to see his children even less for me?? Should he be making that kind of choice, should it even be something to consider?