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Old 11-30-2006, 03:28 PM   #4
Lanugo Lanugo is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: East Midlands,UK
Posts: 79
Lanugo HB User
Re: Awaiting diagnosis

Still waiting. I feel funny. I got all angry on the bus and the adrenelin made me want to pass out. I was referred to the phsychotherapy department. Will this help at all?! How can you get counselled out of feeling all chemical? I'm finding working really hard and have the added pressure of having to support my little family on tiny temping money. My husband says he doesn't know how I'm doing it (working two jobs and keeping the family afloat), neither do I. Someone at work said they felt shell-shocked after a minutes interaction with me. This made me feel ever more 'watched'. And now I've gone and applied for a permanent job which is stressing me out, and I think I've only done it for the sick-leave benefits. I keep taking the diazepam, that my GP prescribed me to tide me over, at work but it just makes me feel silly when I'm up and dead when I'm down.
I can't believe I'm still waiting to be seen. I'm so upset and my husband cares more about us not having sex than he does about me. The SSRI I was taking brought me out in mania and I'm so sick of professionals not knowing what they're doing with me. I have serious trust issues with doctors as it is - after becoming convinced by Michel Foucault and his writings.
I'd ether hurt myself...bad or run away if I didn't have my little boy. I couldn't leave him with just my husband - he's way too angry. I don't think I can give this little boy the life he deserves.
What's a girl to do?
Lanugo xx