Re: ???? what the hell???????, long-sannah please read!
Hi Pucca, my guess is that you felt numb because you sort of "freeze up" when people are getting too close. It's like you sort of start to freeze up because it is scary when you know that people are getting too close. It's scary because you don't know if you can keep control of your boundaries with the person - can they be trusted not to hurt you? Because you don't have a lot of practice with protecting yourself from others it's really scary. You might feel "dirty" because you weren't sure that you really wanted to do this. You did it because you wanted to explore new territory with yourself? Also, you weren't really enjoying it so this might make you feel bad? I wouldn't feel bad about it though because you just wanted to explore some new interpersonal territory. You didn't go too far. Actually, this was good practice for you to explore your boundaries. Be careful, though, you don't want to be with some creep who won't take NO for an answer!
You can hold your liquor girl! If I drank that much I would be in the hospital!
Had you done anything like this before? You were in control of your boundaries and you didn't freak out. I'm not sure about the stomach thing? Maybe you feel that this is a more vulnerable spot because it isn't a "sexual" part of your body?
Pucca, only do what you are comfortable with and what you want! As for you being terrified of the nice guy - It's called "fear of intimacy". I had that. When you have this you only "interact" with those guys who are not capable of becoming intimate (because they are shallow and only want sex, etc.) A nice guy who really wants to get close to you will scare you off because you fear getting too close. Once you feel comfortable with your boundaries and you feel good about yourself you will no longer fear intimacy. Be careful for now though, because when you fear intimacy you can sort of "get around" with guys in a superficial way.