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Old 01-22-2007, 05:50 PM   #1
D31 D31 is offline
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(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 190
D31 HB User
Unhappy I was emotionally abused and have trouble dealing....

I was emotionally abused for 3 years. I guess I made excuses for him, that he had a bad childhood, grew up in foster care, His father was abusive to his mother. No body gets that , I am aware he was an *** . Everyone says just forget him move on. If I could do that would I have not already? It is not that easy. I trusted him with my hopes, my fears everything. And it is as if he used it against me. He told me I was pathetic, useless, he could have anyone he wanted, told me a "friend" told him I looked like a man, said I was fat, said I disgusted him. No one else would want me.And he could not have sex with me because he was disgusted by me . He used me finacially. Made me feel like I was going crazy. It has been 3 months.. and I thought I was doing well, until I started to really remember how he was... the times he abused me. And I broke down. In the middle of the night. I have been in counselling, but there are times when I just feel hopeless. When I am not in a session. I know I have my friends and family, but they all warned me and I am sure are so sick of hearing about it all. I feel embarrased that I allowed this to happen. I feel useless, I believe at times maybe he was right. Then others I think he is the one with issues. I am joining a goup for abused women. And I think me... I should know better. I mean everyone tried to tell me he was no good for me but I would not listen.l I just thought no he loves me and everyone gave up on him as a child and now. And I did not want to be that one more person who did. And how it was not all bad....And now here I am 3 years later. Ya sure I am rid of him. But I have never felt so alone in my life. Like I am supposed to just chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on.. cause he was so bad .. and that is reason enough to want to. Ya logic tells me I know he was bad. But I still loved him... so much. I was the one who understood him when no one else did. He hurt me so many times with his words. He made me feel like I was lucky to be with him. He drank alot did drugs. And lied to so many other than me. How can someone love such a cruel person. How could I be so stupid. Every one else was so wrong and I was going to proove it. Well everyone was so right and now I am dealing with the pain and confusion everyday.

 
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