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Old 02-07-2007, 11:48 PM   #1
Darlene-CA Darlene-CA is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 59
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I lost my precious Mom today....

Hi...I've been lurking here for over a year, my Mom was diagnosed in September of 2005. She had NSCLC and had surgery 12/05 without Rad/Chemo. She was in pain from that day forward....every day! We're not sure exactly what took her beautiful life, as she would not go back to have the follow up tests, as she was in such pain she knew she couldn't tollerate anything else. She was so tiny and frail and had lost so much weight. We found her 8 days ago, barely breathing. To make a complicated story short, after a roller coaster week of ups and downs and many tests, we sat with her today as she took her last breath. I'm absolutely devasted and filled with guilt. Devastated because I lost my favorite person in the entire world. She was my rock. I don't know what I will do without her. She was the one person who loved me regardless, she was my best friend, I feel so empty and lost without her. I want to pick up the phone and call her. She is the one I would call just so I could hear her voice. I can not believe I can never talk to her again!!! I feel guilty because I respected her wishes so much that I wouldn't force the medical issue on her. I knew how much she suffered the first time and I knew she couldn't handle it anymore. I know she knew how much I loved her and I am grateful I was able to tell her but I watched her suffer for the past year and these last 8 days of suffering were unreal to me. Her tiny and frail little body just wouldn't let go. I kept telling her it was ok and how much I loved her. I just can not believe she is gone. I'm sorry to ramble, i just miss her so much and need support from anyone who has been through this. I have a husband and two children. My husband has no clue or much consideration for what i am going through, as he is tucked in bed as I sit here falling apart.......God Bless My Mom.........