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Old 02-09-2007, 12:41 PM   #5
BrandyBobs Lady BrandyBobs Lady is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: CT
Posts: 119
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Re: Not quite sure what to do.

Good for you girl! You did the right thing....let him suffer like he has made you suffer. Funny how they seem to realize what they had once its gone.

My ex did that....he found someone else during our marriage and once I left him he had his "revelation" that he finally realized what he had with me. Now my new partner has the advantages he lost. He said he knows what he has and isn't about to let me go. My self-esteem was in the toilet years ago. I had a guy who told me I was lucky to have him and I couldn't do any better. Excuse me? Not sure if anyone here on this board watches Dr. Phil but he said something very profound and I believe it..."it's better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else". That is so right on. Some people are just toxic to our sense of well being. I got out of my past relationship 5 years ago and although I have dated off and on I didn't find anything remotely serious until this past year. My new partner is here for the long haul and loves me unconditionally. There are no restrictions on me other than if I cheat on him he will leave. I have no desire to go anywhere with anyone else and have never cheated. Never will. He boosts my self-esteem and tells me I am beautiful and the sexiest woman he has ever known. I love comments like this...makes me feel good about myself. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...some men wouldn't feel the way he does and I could care less. I may not have a very beautiful exterior but what I have on the inside is extremely beautiful. I have a great personality and a wonderful sense of humor and a love of music which the both of us share.

Don't ever let a guy tell you its all your fault and you are to blame for him not being affectionate. That is a bunch of bullcrap. He was making lame excuses and needing someone else to blame for his inadequacies. Perhaps he had already met someone else and was trying to get you to break off with him so he could play it up as the hurt party and then all of a sudden he found himself being dumped by her and decided you weren't so bad after all. My ex did that....he was trying his best to make me as miserable as possible and I remember him laughingly talking about it when he was online with his ho-bag. Well, thing was the online ho-bag was married with a baby and so when it ended with her then I once again was the all important one...sort of. I still wasn't good enough and couldn't do stuff right no matter what I did. We weren't partners..not what one would call a true partner. I was good enough to warm his bed and boss around but that was about it.

You are far better off without this guy. For him to do this and then to top it off he had turned his friends and family against you....probably cuz he was talking smack about you that wasn't true so therefore skewed their opinions of you. Its easy enough to do...friends are easily swayed by heresay and conjecture.

Losers the whole lot of them and you are better off without any of that negativity in your life. Love who you are and don't ever try to reinvent yourself for the sake of someone else. It doesn't work...trust me. I talk from experience. Be who you are all the time and love the things you do. I met mine at the time of my life when I thought I would never find anyone else cuz I had decided to be fussy this time and not just "settle". I love music and I love to dance and I went out my best friend one evening and that is when I met him. He was in a band and I was mesmerized by his guitar playing and the passion when he played and I would watch him. Being the shy type I didn't actually approach him to talk to him but my friend who is very outgoing and not afraid of anything invited him to sit with us. We all talked and I liked him right away. There was some sort of connection but we didn't really get together after that two months later. I found out too that he was very intrigued by me and had watched me dance..said he knew I was very much into the music and could tell by the way I danced. He knew I was someone he would like to get to know better. After the evening was over he had given all of us his band card and I wrote him. It started out innocently...a query on future gigs. After that I took the bull by the horns and asked him if he was married or had someone else in his life. I wanted to get to know him and over a few months we wrote back and forth getting to find out more and more about each other and then one day we finally met for a date of sorts. He asked me if I'd like to go to the carousel in Hartford, CT and I said yes. He was taking his grandson there and his sister so I felt what better way to see what he is like interracting with them. It was a great day and when I thought everything was over his grandson wondered when I was coming over to their house and since it wasn't up to me to invite myself he took control and asked me to come for a Memorial Day picnic three days later at his house. I did. Enjoyed every single minute I got to spend with him. We found we had so much in common it was mind boggling. We fell in the love that day at the park although neither of us said so. He told me he was fussy and wanted to make sure first and thought for sure he would never find someone who fitted what he wanted. He had already been married twice before and was miserable in both and wanted to never again get tied to a royal *****. He thought there was no woman alive who wanted the same things he did and who couldn't go one day without wanting to start an argument or put him in the poor house. Its been 9 months now and we have NEVER had a fight. Not one. We share in everything. We also live together and if you live together you know more about that person than if you're just seeing each other off and on. I love everything about this man. He is also 8 years old than me and the age difference doesn't matter to me. I am nearing 50 which isn't that big a deal and I remember a time when I thought that someone pushing 60 was O-L-D...heck even 50 was old back then but these days I am hearing that 50 is the new 40...hee!hee! I love it! I don't feel 50 anyways and he certainly doesn't act 58. He is active and very loving towards me.

So if your "Jon" is very loving and you are scared of the age difference don't be. He shouldn't be either. Age is just a number. Its the maturity of your partner and how well they handle themselves in the relationship. Good luck to you both!