Grief..................She was your daughter, she died an untimely horrible death, and was taken from you. I would imagine that you will carry the grief for the rest of your life. I would think that you have an empty part in your heart that can not be filled. I think this is normal. I only hope that someday it lessens so that you stop torturing yourself. I hope that someday you can smile, and laugh about the wonderful 21 years that she shared with you, instead of crying about the years that she has been gone.
Second guessing........OH MY....Well let me tell you a story. I have this friend that I love very much. She wrote a letter about her daughters death, and how it had affected her for the last ten years. The answers that she has been trying to come up with about the accident, and the questions that she has been trying to find answers too. I wrote back to her, and some of the things I said were harsh. Some of the things I said to her probably felt like a knife going through her. I talked about her daughters death, and how she needs to stop trying to find answers, and accept the fact that she is gone....Saying these things......I KNEW I was taking a chance. It could have gone either way. She could have thought about what I said, or she could have gotten VERY ANGRY, and refused to ever speak to me again. I posted it...........Then for the next 24 hours, I checked the site at least 2 dozen times, and read, and re-read what i had written. I second guessed myself, a thousand times. I worried about loosing a friendship that I cared deeply about. I thought about doing some edits on it. I second guessed myself to the point that I thought I would go nutty.
But I held to my belief and didn't do anything, and took my chances. i was willing to lose a friendship to get my point across if I felt that it would help her.
Confrontations......I think for you, it's the same as me.......It's dealing with a LIAR!!!!!! You get so angry that you could throttle them......At least that's how I get....We were victims, we told the TRUTH, NOBODY believed us, we kept screaming the truth. It became a way of life for us. It's all about the truth.