Senior Member (female)
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age Appropriate Chores, Rules, Allowance...
Good Morning Everyone! I come to you with a dilemma & am humbly asking for your help.
For those of you who don't know, my daughter is 7. Before you even ask, YES, she has managed to get this far & not have regular/real chores. When I make her do something, she whines & throws tantrums, and I try to tell her how good she really has it & how lucky she is. Of course, she doesn't agree w/ me or realize how lucky she really is. I do have some rules for her that she's aware of but rarely follows. I enforce them as best I can, but...well, I won't get into it right now.
I know! I know! Some of you will want to get all crappy & judge me about that, but trust me, there's a whole other story there...seriously. So, just don't go there, OK?!
Now, the whole reason I'm here... I've had enough, and I'm putting my foot down b/c I know how this will affect her years from now if I don't let her learn all the MANY lessons that come with chores (i.e. responsibility, discipline, helping others, pride, value of work...). One of the most important things I want her to learn is that part of being a family is pitching in/doing your part whenever you can, unlike now, when she whines about picking up her own mess let alone helping w/ regular household work, following rules...
Ex: I'll tell her to pick up clothes out of the living room. Now, mind you, she knows where there supposed to go, that they're not even supposed to be in the living room, & to put them in their respected areas as soon as they're taken off. She'll usually whine & say, "Why do I always have to" OR "Why do I have to do everything"? Of course, she knows the answer - "if you made the mess, pick it up...", but I have to constantly retell her & explain how it's her responsibility.
She has some MAJOR behavior issues that play into all this. However, that's another story, and one I'm not willing to delve into at present. Yes, I'm aware that getting a handle on her behavior issues would significantly decrease the other problems, but I have to do one thing at a time. Don't get me wrong. It is being worked on, but if I waited for her behavior issues to go away - which won't be anytime soon...if at all - before working on this, it would be dang near impossible to instill such an important habitat/lesson. The older the kid is when something new is introduced, the harder it will be to accomplish the goal. If a few of you are interested in the behavior issue, let me know, and I'll try doing a post on it sometime soon.
Q1: Could some of ya give me some ideas for age appropriate chores (includes required daily routine things like getting dressed, brushing teeth, washing face, getting hair done w/o giving a hard time, taking meds, eating breakfast, washing hands, homework...) & rules (Note: I pretty much know what rules i want for her but am willing to hear some of your advice/opinions. I basically need ways to get her to follow the rules w/ barely having to ask...if at all)?
1. How often
2. Independent or done with parent
3. If need taught/trained... how long before letting them alone or w/ just supervision
4. Chore chart(s); Rules on something & hung somewhere
5. Discipline for not doing
6. ...and so on
Q2: Could you also help w/ some ideas on age appropriate allowance in relation to chores?
1. Weekly amount (I think $2 is more then enough for her age, esp for a poor family.)
2. So many cents/chore
Ex: Could earn UP TO $2/wk if she does all her chores, $0 for none, $.10 for 1...
3. Maybe a point system where she gets so many points/chore & has to earn so many points/week to get her allowance
Ex: ? chores/day x ? pts/chore = UP TO ? pts /day x 7 = UP TO ? pts/week... if the rule is to have 20 pts/wk to earn her allowance & can earn up to 5/day = 35/wk, then there's obviously times where she may miss a chore for some reason but still be able to earn her allowance BUT the point system would have to be done (pts/chore) in a way that to earn the pts needed for that week, the majority of her obligations are met...for instance, the pt system couldn't be done in a way where she could only do 2 of 10 chores/day (wouldn't even 25% of the chores) & still get the allowance
4. Maybe take so many pts away/chore for each time reminded/told to do it
5. Doing a chart system (I need A LOT of help w/ this b/c my imagination & problem solving skills just don't work that way. LOL)
6. ...and so on
Thanks in advance for your help! I really appreciate it & look forward to hearing your ideas/advice.