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Old 05-22-2007, 03:47 AM   #1
Need2bfree Need2bfree is offline
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Wisconsin,USA
Posts: 3
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Post What to do? I Could REALLY use some advice....

Hi although I am a newbie, I have been on the boards for years. The reason I feel the need to "hide" does not stem from the boards itself, but from my marriage....as the story unfolds you will understand why.

This is the 2nd time I wrote this post. The first was WAY too long. I am trying to condense 10 years into this. Please bear with me. If I am too vague please feel free to ask. Again I appologise for the length. I know there are things that I will forget to mention, but this is the best I can do so far:

** Divorced after 10 years of marriage (sexual abuse)
** Jumped into a relationship with current hubby & had a child
** Married current hubby
**Gave him my heart (yes I really really did love him)
**Endured many years of his physical problems, which are now better. Also many emotional problems he has
** Some physical abuse, but that ended when he had major surgery & the pain killer that he was on made him very mean & he beat me & his father who came to my aid. Since then no more physical abuse
**Emotional abuse which if brought up, he will become angry and very addimately deny
**He thinks he is God's gift to women, flirst with cashiers & watresses etc, asking them for dates, calling them honey, sweetie,dear, etc right in front of me.
**Family, friends & neighbors ask why I stay with him, stating he is like having another child, a toddler with the temper tantrums and all. They comment on how controlling he is...I have to ask for money, if I want to go somewhere I have to ask. He denies this, but if I plan to go somewhere he will tell me no I cant. If I visit my parents, he will start calling there before I even get there, when he calls & reaches me he wants to know when I will be home, how much longer, etc.
** This past year we have split 2x and 2x we have tried to work it out. The last split being 6 months ago. I even had an attorney at that point. He promised changes, we went to counseling etc. Counselors told me right out he will NOT change. One thing tho, when we do get along, we get along great.

**I asked him for a divorce. He is not happy, he thinks I have someone else. But yet he knows I am ALWAYS home. He works 3rd shift & expects me to be online chatting with him all nite. If I go to bed he calls throught out the few hours that I do get to sleep.

He expects me to lay down with him when he gets home. If I do not do these things he gets angry, smashes things (mostly mine) I am afraid of him and the kids are. He now blames the kids for my asking for the divorce. He hacks into my computer to see who I am talking to (thus the name change, he would recognise the other name and he knows I come on the boards do to my health problems...even tho I rarely post) He calls constantly I told him tonight I was going to bed, I had a migraine all day & he knew it. He called & woke me up once I finally was able to fall asleep. He got angry on the phone and hung up on me. When he called back again I did not answer, he called 12x before I finally answered and the reason I answered is because if I did not, he would call one of my kids to tell them to go tell me to answer the phone. He controls all the money, and will say at the end of the month he is leaving, but then at the end of the month he will say we are behind on bills so he has to stay another month to catch us up so he does not leave me being behind and trying to catch up as my income is VERY limited. I am beginning to thing that he is doing this on purpose. I could leave & go live with my parents...they would take the kids and I...but my mom and I are not very close, the kids get very upset when I even mention the idea.

SO here is the question, how do I get him to leave? I still do everything I always did for him, getting his uniform ready, making his lunch, doing his laundry etc....I do it to keep peace so there is not as much fighting in front of the kids. This has become very stressful on the kids. They do not talk to him unless they absolutely have to and usually disappear to their bedrooms or another room when he is around. Even our daughter that we had together asks why daddy yells so much. If he is watching tv and she speaks to him he will yell "Shut up Im watching the @%*&+%@ tv!"

Finally I have seen the light. I need to be free. I do not want my son talking to his girlfriend, wife, or kids like this. I do not want my daughters to think it is ok to be treated like this from a man. I feel like everyday I am just sitting here putting my time in. There is more to life than this. I cant afford another place on my own. How do I get him to leave? He has told me he will keep trying to keep me even after he leaves. That he told me if I ever left him it would be hell and that he means it. Well once he is gone I know if he makes my life hell there are things I can do legally to get him to leave me alone...Right now Im taking it one day at a time, but I have been doing this for a long time...its not good enough for me anymore.......I need advice! Thanks!