When your husband is feeling pretty ok and you haven't been harping on any other issues, could you calmly bring up the drinking and point out your observation that he is so much better when he doesn't drink at all?? Having been a drinker myself I know it is a sensitive issue -- however I also know that drinking is a habit and it often takes a long time for the drinker to realize that when s/he drinks, s/he does not behave "normally" even though s/he doesn't realize it at the time. It is harder to not drink as it is amazing how alcohol is really a part of so many activities of life and it makes others uncomfortable when you don't drink. I finally started accepting a glass of champagne in those situations where a toast is being made after almost having a fight with a waiter at one wedding!! He just wouldn't accept "No thank you." Now I take a glass, go through the toast and just touch the glass to my lips and then set it down on the table. But unlike Goody's suggestion, I always get a clear drink like tonic and lime or selzer --that way no one knows that it isn't gin and tonic, vodka and tonic, etc.and that way no one bothers you!!
I understand that your husband hates to be told what to do. He doesn't want you sounding like a parent telling him he can't drink, etc. Maybe the pdoc could really stress how potentially harmful it is to drink -- or that ONE drink does not mean it's ok to have four or five!! And, ONE drink cannot be a tumbler of gin or vodka only!!
Things are always rocky at the beginning of taking meds. As your husband starts to understand that he feels better on the meds, things will be easier. he will start to put the picture together and his stability will become important to him....god willing